5 Paradoxes of Living with Mental Illness

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Hey there! Can we take a moment to acknowledge the wild ride that is living with mental illness? I’m approaching my decade mark of navigating this chaotic journey—let’s call it my “Insaniversary.” It’s a bit of a mixed bag, you know? With a collection of diagnosis labels, life is anything but dull.

One striking aspect of mental illness is the tangled web of contradictions it weaves. It often tells us one thing while pushing us to do the exact opposite. You want one thing but act completely against it—confusing, right? Here are five examples of the dizzying contradictions that come with living with mental health challenges:

1. Boredom vs. Exhaustion
   I find myself in a state of excruciating boredom, craving stimulation and excitement. My mind is screaming for something—anything—to break the monotony. Yet, I can’t muster the energy to move from my spot. After staring blankly at the wall for an eternity, I settle for yet another nap. Yay, fun times!
2. Anxiety from Clutter vs. Inability to Clean
   My surroundings are a chaotic mess. There are dishes piled high, mail scattered everywhere, and laundry spilling out of the closet. Just looking at it sends me toward a panic attack. Shouldn’t I be cleaning? Oh wait—never mind. Instead, I’ll just cocoon myself in a blanket and hyperventilate. Sounds more fun, right?
3. Desire for Connection vs. Fear of Intimacy
   For those of us with borderline personality traits, this one hits hard. I yearn for deep, meaningful connections with others. I want to share everything—my secrets, my fears, my joys. But as soon as I start getting close, an impulse kicks in: flee! I alternate between wanting to pull people close and then shoving them away. Not the best way to build relationships, I must admit.
4. Ambition vs. Bed Rest
   When my alarm goes off, I’m greeted by that nagging voice reminding me of all the things I need to accomplish. But then, good ol’ depression chimes in with its favorite line: “Nah, let’s just stay in bed.” I’d love to tackle my to-do list, but depression is like a weight, dragging me down into the depths of inaction. So, there I am—crying into my pillow instead of being productive.
5. Desire for Betterment vs. Self-Sabotage
   I’m not alone in this, right? When I’m feeling down, I know that stepping outside or socializing would help me feel better. Still, I convince myself to stay in my apartment, spiraling deeper into a funk. I might even cue up some heartbreakingly sad music, knowing full well it will only amplify my gloom. It’s a vicious cycle of knowing what would help but choosing the opposite.

So, why do we do this to ourselves? Mental illness can feel like a relentless foe that drains our willpower and motivation, making our behaviors seem irrational. Yet, it all makes perfect sense to me. If all you managed today was to stay in bed and munch on snacks, I feel you. If you’ve faced that overwhelming clutter and opted to hide under a blanket instead, I’m right there with you. Surviving despite the weight of it all is a monumental accomplishment—be proud of yourself.

And if you’re seeking support or resources related to this journey, check out some of our other posts for guidance. You can find information on home insemination at this link, and for authoritative insights, visit Make a Mom and Genetics and IVF Institute.

Summary

Mental illness is riddled with contradictions, from battling boredom to feeling overwhelmed by clutter. We desire connection but often pull away, and while we want to be productive, depression can keep us in bed. Understanding these paradoxes can help us navigate our journeys. Remember, you’re not alone, and your experiences are valid.