If You’re a Mom of Young Kids Who Isn’t Feeling the Sex Drive, You’re Not Alone

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Hey there, Touched-Out Mama,

I get it. You’re in the thick of it with a baby on your breast and toddlers scaling you like a jungle gym. Your preschooler has declared that being attached to you is the only way to survive. And let’s not even talk about the night-time interruptions—feeding, nightmares, or just the endless demands of parenting that steal your sleep.

You’ve been snuggled, pawed at, and loved on all day, every day. The idea of a romantic evening? Not exactly what’s on your mind after such a long day. Believe me, I’ve been there. After my first child arrived, my libido took a nosedive. We ended up with two more kids without even trying, so it’s not like we weren’t intimate, but most of the time, it felt like pity sex on my part. My desire for physical connection? A mere 3% of the time, if that.

It was a struggle. I hated constantly turning my husband down. He was incredibly understanding, but he didn’t quite grasp the depths of my disinterest in sex. It wasn’t just that I was feeling off; I actively wanted none of it. The thought of sex? Honestly repulsive.

For some, physical touch is their love language. I enjoy it, but only until I’ve had enough. With three kids, the touching never stops. Our youngest two are cuddly little ones, and while I cherish those moments, there’s a point where I just want my space. By 5 PM, I was finished.

Reconciling my emotional connection with my husband and my physical disinterest was tough. Our relationship was great otherwise—I felt just as loving and intimate, emotionally, as I always had. But when it came to physical touch, my body just didn’t want it. I was touched out.

And let’s face it, I was exhausted. By the time the kids were finally asleep, all I wanted was to unwind. For my husband, sex was a way to relax. For me? It felt like a chore that required energy I simply didn’t have. As tempting as it sounded, I’d rather hit the pillow and sleep.

But here’s the good news—it does get better! My youngest is 6 now, and I can happily say that my desire has returned. It’s been a couple of years since I’ve felt like myself again in that department. I wondered if my lack of interest was something more serious, but my doctor assured me it was completely normal during those early years. Turns out, I was just a typical mom!

Here are some strategies that helped me navigate those tough times, which might also work for you:

1. Schedule It. As unromantic as it sounds, planning out “business time” helped me mentally prepare. Scheduling intimacy is an underrated method during low-libido phases. It also kept me from forgetting altogether—because let’s be real, it wouldn’t even cross my mind otherwise.
2. Communicate Openly. My husband and I had many discussions about our needs and desires, finding a compromise that worked for us both, even if it wasn’t perfect.
3. Show Love in Other Ways. I often reminded my husband that my lack of interest in sex wasn’t a reflection on him. I tried to express my love through words, kind gestures, and as much non-sexual affection as I could muster.
4. Just Do It. Sometimes, even if I wasn’t in the mood, I’d just go for it. The act itself could ignite some desire, and if it didn’t, at least I tried. I saved my outright rejections for when the thought of intimacy made me cringe.
5. Remember, It’s a Phase. I can’t predict when your desire will return, but I’m proof that low libido is often just a temporary part of parenthood. You won’t always feel that sex is a burden. Believe it or not, you may even find yourself initiating intimacy again one day!

You are definitely not alone—many women experience low or no sex drive after having kids. Be kind to yourself, and hang in there. Your mojo will return, and it will be glorious.

Sincerely,
A Mom Who Finally Found Her Groove Back

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Summary

Many mothers of young children experience a dip in sexual desire due to exhaustion and the demands of parenting. It’s important to communicate with your partner, explore ways to reconnect, and remember that this phase is temporary. With time and understanding, your desire can return.