6 Reasons I’m Totally Messing Up This Parenting Gig

Every day, I find myself fretting over whether I’m failing my kids. It seems like a standard worry for parents, but shouldn’t we be the flawless superheroes in our children’s eyes? That’s how I always saw parents—better, stronger, more virtuous than I felt I could ever be.

But let’s be real: I mess up more often than I’d like to admit. Sometimes, I reflect on my parenting choices and panic at the thought of my kids growing up with no ambition, landing them on some wild reality show, recounting the tales of their questionable life choices—thanks to me.

Am I being dramatic? Probably. But here’s a glimpse into the areas that keep me up at night.

1. I Want to Be Their Buddy More Than Their Parent.

I can recall countless moments when I’ve thought, “Forget cleaning! Let’s devour cookies and ice cream on the couch while binge-watching cartoons.” And, yes, sometimes (especially when my partner isn’t around), we do just that. Yet, as we’re indulging in this rule-breaking behavior, I cringe, worrying I’m teaching them to disregard rules and responsibilities. Then I remember the previous week when I flipped from a fun dad to a strict enforcer, and I realize I’m just confusing them.

2. I Yell.

Occasionally, my kids choose to ignore me. I know, shocking, right? I’ll ask them to tidy up the living room several times, and by the sixth request, I find my daughter dressing a teddy bear in doll clothes while my son is happily splashing in the sink. Frustration takes over, and my tone shifts from gentle to gruff in seconds. Then, I’m hit with that familiar guilt, wondering if I’m turning into my own parent and leaving emotional scars.

3. I’m Inconsistent with Punishments.

There are innumerable times when I’ve dished out punishment only to have my partner question whether my reaction was warranted. Most of the time, the answer is a resounding “No.” Some days, I’m in a bad mood; others, I’m just too tired to care. This inconsistency can’t be doing my kids any favors.

4. I Set a Poor Example.

I can’t count how many times I’ve told my daughter Lucy she can’t have snacks after dinner, only to find myself devouring ice cream later. I restrict my son Ethan to one soda a week while I guzzle down multiple cans. I’ll scold them for silly songs about farts, then laugh at my own. Clearly, I’m not exactly the role model I aspire to be.

5. I Let Them Manipulate Me.

One time, Lucy colored on our only nice chair with a permanent marker, and I was ready to explode. But when she looked up with those innocent big eyes and said, “I’m sowwy, Daddy,” I turned from furious to mushy in an instant. Sometimes, I think kids have this uncanny ability to soften our hearts just when we’re ready to lose it.

6. I Sometimes Resort to Bribery.

Not long ago, Ethan was dragging his feet while getting ready for church. Instead of battling it out, I offered him three cookies as a bribe. He countered with a request for more cookies and extra screen time, and somehow, I agreed! Within minutes, he was dressed. I worry that I’m teaching him to expect rewards for simply doing what he’s supposed to do.

Ultimately, I know I’m not the most consistent dad out there, but hey, I’m human. I make mistakes, and while I adore my kids, I occasionally let fatigue or emotions get the better of me. Parenting is undoubtedly the hardest thing I’ve tackled.

However, I strive to own up to my mistakes, even to my kids. Each evening, when I return home to their excited faces and warm hugs, I realize that despite my shortcomings, they can feel my love for them.

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Summary:

In this candid reflection, a parent shares their struggles with balancing authority and friendship, the challenges of inconsistent parenting, and the inevitable mistakes we all make. Despite these hurdles, the love for their children remains a constant, illuminating the messy yet rewarding journey of parenthood.