Dear White Parents of My Black Child’s Friends: I Need Your Support

Hey there! I’ve been thinking a lot about how to reach out to you, and let me tell you—it hasn’t been easy. I’ve felt a mix of embarrassment for not having understood these issues sooner and a bit of anxiety over how you might respond. Will you think I’m overreacting? Will your reactions show that my son isn’t safe with your kids? As my son grows from an adorable black boy into a strong black man, the way people perceive him will shift, and I really could use your help to navigate this.

We’ve had “the talk” with our son about safety. We’ve explained how to respect authority figures, keep his hands visible, and avoid wearing his hood up or taking shortcuts through neighbors’ yards when playing hide-and-seek. We want him to take pride in who he is, but we also know that not everyone will see him the way we do. Sadly, some will label him a “thug” before they even know his name or his story.

Conversations About Racism

Here’s the kicker: While we’re doing what we can to protect him, there’s a chance your child may find themselves in a situation involving him. As white parents of my child’s friends, I urge you to have conversations with your kids about racism. Talk about the stereotypes they might encounter regarding my son. Discuss what they should do if they witness wrongdoing.

It’s easy to be “colorblind” in a predominantly white family, but let’s be real—teaching your kids this can leave them ill-prepared to understand the real dangers my child faces. If you think that racism is a relic of the past and use our family as a feel-good example of racial harmony, you’re missing the mark. Just because you haven’t experienced overt racism doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Real Experiences

Two weeks ago, I found myself on the phone with my son’s school principal discussing the racial slurs he was subjected to by a classmate. Thankfully, the school took it seriously, and my son felt comfortable enough to speak up. But it’s frustrating that many children don’t feel the same way. It’s easy to think we live in a post-racial world when I have a neighbor who called Child Protective Services on my kids for playing the same way as the white kids in the neighborhood.

I can’t even begin to explain the trauma that comes with a social worker showing up at your door, especially for kids like mine who have been in foster care. It’s disheartening that when white kids are involved, it’s “just kids being kids,” but when my kids are playing, it becomes a call for authorities. This isn’t concern; it’s harassment.

Standing Up for Each Other

So, please, talk to your kids about racism. If they see my son being bullied, they need to stand up for him. If they’re having fun at the park and the police drive by, your child should stay right there with him. In that moment, they should be extra polite and respectful. This is not the time for risky behavior. Any trouble that arises may not be judged the same way for him as it is for them.

And let’s keep it respectful. Please don’t touch my son’s hair out of curiosity or try to speak slang because you think it’s cute. If you’re considering making a questionable joke, just don’t. Your kids are learning from you, even in the seemingly innocent moments. Be aware of the media messages they’re consuming about race. Engage them in tough conversations about current events—don’t shy away just because you can. He can’t, and we can’t.

Advocacy and Respect

Advocate for this wonderful child who has shared meals with your family, sat next to your child at church, and celebrated birthdays with you. He is not the exception to any rule. He won’t be shielded by my white privilege forever. He deserves to be treated equally and with respect. I believe that when white parents start discussing these issues with their children, real change can happen.

Additional Resources

For more information on this topic, feel free to check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. Also, if you’re interested in learning more, visit this site, which is a great authority on the subject.

Summary

This heartfelt letter encourages white parents to engage in conversations about racism with their children, highlighting the importance of understanding the unique challenges faced by black children. It calls for advocacy, respect, and active support in nurturing a safe environment for all kids, especially those from marginalized backgrounds.