Navigating the Challenges of Raising a Child with Gender Dysphoria: The Real Struggle Lies Outside the Home

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Picture this: two little girls dressed in flowing dresses and sparkly tutus, hosting tea parties and playing with Barbies. That’s the dream, right? Well, my reality looks a bit different. My daughter, Jamie, made her preferences clear from a very young age. The moment she discovered she had a choice, she opted for blue. Buzz Lightyear tees and Matchbox cars became her go-to, while sparkles and pink took a backseat. Sure, I envisioned a little princess, but that wasn’t who she was, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

As time went on, Jamie was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and consistently identified as a boy. After a few discussions about anatomy that were age-appropriate (and a bit awkward for me), it became obvious this wasn’t just a fleeting phase. Jamie had a clear understanding of her identity, and it was crystal clear to us that she was simply being true to herself.

I quickly learned I had to be careful with my language. Every time I slipped up, Jamie was right there to correct me. “You’re such a good girl!” I’d say, only to hear, “No, I’m a boy!” And when I handed her a pink shirt? “No! I can’t wear a girls’ shirt!” We never imposed gender norms on her toys or clothes, but Jamie, with her keen observations of the world around her, was picking up on the cues that boys wear certain things and do specific activities. To her, the world is distinctly black and white. While we might have labeled her a “tomboy,” she firmly believes she’s a boy.

Understanding Gender Dysphoria

WebMD outlines common traits of children with gender dysphoria, including:

• Consistently identifying as a different gender despite biological traits
• A preference for friends of the gender they identify with
• Rejecting traditional clothing and toys associated with their assigned gender
• Expressing a desire to change their physical characteristics
• Experiencing distress about the changes that come with puberty

Explaining certain concepts to my five-year-old was awkward. Just saying “penis” felt odd, especially when she was convinced that daddies had “hot dogs.” But in that moment, I realized Jamie understood her gender dysphoria deeply. With tears in her eyes, she pleaded, “I don’t want to have a bagina! You can’t make me be a girl!” Regardless, we loved Jamie just the same, embracing her uniqueness.

Though the diagnoses of ASD and gender dysphoria weren’t shocking, they did raise concerns about Jamie’s future. Would people accept her? Would she have friends? Would she find happiness? When I finally opened up to family and friends about Jamie, we were met with overwhelming support. People respected her wish to be recognized as a boy—nobody tried to correct her or impose their views.

Then came Target’s bathroom policy announcement, and suddenly, people I knew were sharing their harsh opinions online. Comments like “Transgender people are disgusting,” and “They just want attention,” struck a nerve. I was hurt because they were talking about my Jamie—my beautiful Jamie. I found myself texting my sister, heartbroken over the hate and ignorance in the world.

I get that when people spew such negativity, they often aren’t thinking about my sweet daughter, who just wants to be herself. I understand the fears surrounding safety, especially as a parent. But let’s be real; Target bathrooms aren’t likely to be the hunting grounds for predators. Besides, the insinuation that transgender individuals are inherently dangerous is unfounded.

Bathroom situations have been tricky for Jamie. We’ve stood outside men’s restrooms while she begged to go in. “I’ll wait until everyone leaves and then run in!” she said, desperate. Please, take a moment to consider the urgency in her voice. Jamie knows she isn’t physically a boy, yet she remains resolute in her identity.

The Struggle with Society

When a friend asked, “What’s the hardest part about having a child on the spectrum?” I answered immediately: “Other people.” The same sentiment applies to having a child with gender dysphoria.

To my daughter, I vow: I will never force you to be anyone but yourself. I’ll advocate for a world that embraces you entirely. We will educate others, spread kindness, and celebrate your individuality every single day.

This article was originally published on June 9, 2016.

For more insights into parenting and understanding gender dysphoria, you might find this post on intracervicalinsemination.com/blog/ helpful. And for those looking for resources on fertility, Make A Mom is an authority on the topic. Additionally, if you’re exploring options for infertility treatment, ACOG has excellent resources.

In summary, navigating the journey of raising a child with gender dysphoria is filled with challenges, particularly stemming from societal attitudes. The focus should always remain on love, acceptance, and the importance of fostering a supportive environment for our children.