I grew up in a household where spanking was a regular occurrence. I can vividly recall the last time it happened to me. My cousin and I were engrossed in a game called Girl Talk, which dared us to prank call someone. Armed with a retro 1980s portable phone, I dialed a random number. An elderly woman answered, and with a cheeky “Bye!” I hung up. We were in stitches, completely unaware of the *69 option.
Then the phone rang again. “Hello?” I answered. “I’d like to speak to your father, please,” came a voice that sounded eerily familiar. It was that same lady! I reluctantly handed the phone to my dad, who erupted in a fit of anger. He yelled at both of us but only spanked me as I passed by. The sting brought upon a mix of feelings—shame, anger, and resentment. At that moment, I vowed never to spank my own children.
Fast forward to adulthood, and my resolve was unshaken. When we found out we were expecting, I confidently proclaimed to everyone, “My child will never be spanked!” Reactions varied from applause to eye rolls, but I was firm. As we pursued becoming foster parents, I found support for my stance: no corporal punishment allowed! The room buzzed with disbelief from others, but I stood tall, embracing the concept of positive parenting. This meant time-outs, understanding emotional tantrums, and, most importantly, no hitting.
Then came the reality check: I had three boys aged 6, 4, and 2. One chaotic morning, in the midst of a messy house, I was putting on makeup while they played nearby. Suddenly, the joyful screams turned into cries. My eldest rushed in, teary-eyed, saying, “Leo bit me!” referring to his 4-year-old brother. Leo had been a little monster that morning, and my patience shattered. I roared, “Leo! Get in here!” He did, bless his heart, probably not knowing what was about to happen.
In a moment of pure frustration, I grabbed him by the arm and spanked him. He howled in surprise and pain. I let him go, shouting, “Don’t ever bite your brother again!” He crumpled to the bathroom floor in tears. My heart sank. I had broken my promise to never hit a child. I was reminded of the principle that you shouldn’t spank out of anger—but if you’re not angry, why would you hit your kid? I was definitely angry.
Recognizing when you’re wrong is a key tenet of positive parenting. I’ve had to own up to my mistakes countless times—whether it’s yelling too much or clearing their plates before they’re done. So I knew I had to apologize. “Leo, baby?” I sat beside him and wrapped my arms around him. “I’m really sorry for hitting you.”
“You hit me, Mama!” he exclaimed, shocked. “I did,” I admitted. “I was angry, and I’m very, very sorry. I promise I won’t hit you again.” “You promise?” asked my 6-year-old, who had been watching. “I promise,” I assured him.
But once you open that door, it gets tricky. I found myself inadvertently threatening the kids with spanking. Each time, they’d remind me, “No hitting, Mama! You promised!” And they were right. I made a promise to myself and to them that I would not hit again.
Here’s hoping I can stick to it this time!
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Summary:
The author shares a personal story about their childhood experiences with spanking and a promise to never hit their children. However, the challenges of parenting three young boys lead to a moment of weakness where they break that promise. Through reflection and an apology, they realize the importance of adhering to their parenting philosophy.