My New Adventure in Motherhood: Realizing I Am Enough

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The realm of motherhood has transformed me in two profound ways. It has both shattered my previous self and illuminated who I truly am. And let me clarify, I’m not expressing this in a negative light—just being real.

Having been a mom for over eight years now, I’ve been on a profound journey of self-exploration, and what I’ve uncovered is something I never expected.

From the moment I embraced my role as a mother, the weight of everything increased. My heart, my tears, my thoughts, my happiness, my guilt—all my emotions feel heavier than ever. Each step I take feels like I’m dragging the world behind me, yearning to go in two different directions, stumbling over my own indecision. It’s a lot to bear; honestly, it’s more than I anticipated, and it’s been quite the challenge.

Bringing two little humans into this world has left me feeling utterly unprepared. I was confident I could excel, but now I find myself doubting. Am I really crafting the childhood my children deserve? Honestly, I know I’m falling short.

They deserve so much more than what I provide. They deserve the structure and discipline I didn’t have, and yes, even the fruits and veggies at every meal—even if they turn their noses up at them. Too often, I slack on even offering that choice. They deserve a mom who can whip up a homemade meal from scratch. But alas, I’m not that mom.

Right now, I’m at a stage where I’m focusing on my career and passions, and the guilt? It’s suffocating. My youngest is four, and I once convinced myself he needed me at home. But I quickly realized that role makes me miserable. I thrive on movement, creativity, and pursuing more than just parenting these incredible kids.

I sometimes feel guilty admitting that. I must be a terrible person, a bad mother, right? Shouldn’t my children provide enough happiness to make me forget all my other dreams?

Yet, my kids are more than enough. They are beautiful, magical, and beyond what I ever dreamed. They inspire me, and they are my everything. But, I’m still torn.

During my eight-and-a-half-year journey of self-discovery and breaking down, I’ve stumbled upon the most daunting realization—a truth every mother must confront, perhaps more shocking than the challenges of motherhood itself:

I am not enough.

I’ve been telling myself I don’t do enough, give enough, or even be enough for my children. This mindset has led me to feel unworthy because they deserve more than I can offer. I’ve spiraled into self-deprecation, convinced I don’t deserve this beautiful life, and that wanting more is somehow wrong.

The reality? I haven’t been generous enough to myself. I’ve treated my desires as something shameful, as if feeling blessed means I should drown in guilt for wanting to achieve more.

My heart isn’t just with my children; it thrives within them. I can’t keep punishing myself for wanting more out of life. I can’t belittle the woman who brought forth life. I must remind her: You are enough! You are deserving of this love.

It’s completely fine that I don’t whip up meals from scratch (okay, truth be told, I make no meals from scratch). It’s okay if my discipline isn’t always consistent because sometimes, I simply can’t handle it. And it’s alright if our household structure is stable enough not to crumble if we skip brushing teeth on a Friday night. What matters is the abundance of love we share—more than we know how to handle, and enough for my children to both give and receive tenfold.

I am embarking on a new chapter of motherhood, and I anticipate uncovering another incredible truth—one that will be just as surprising but will ultimately help me piece myself back together the way I’ve always deserved to be.

I am enough.

This journey of self-discovery and motherhood continues, and if you’re feeling the same, you’re not alone. For those curious about navigating pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on fertility insurance. And if you’re considering home insemination, you might want to explore this authority on the topic for guidance.

In summary, motherhood is a profound journey filled with self-realization and the understanding that it’s okay to want more. We must embrace our struggles, acknowledge our worth, and recognize that we are enough, just as we are.