When I first crossed paths with my husband’s cousin, Jake, I was struck by how genuinely nice he was. With his easy-going demeanor and warmth, he seemed to radiate kindness. I watched him calmly handle his young daughter’s tantrum, his soft, Southern California drawl soothing her in no time. The day spent together was delightful.
“Wow,” I remarked to my husband later, “Jake is really awesome. Did you two hang out much as kids?”
“Jake is great,” my husband replied, “but… let’s just say he was a bit different back then. Like, a lot different.”
Apparently, Jake had quite the wild streak as a child. As my husband recounted tales of his cousin’s antics—torturing relatives and creating chaos—I could hardly believe it. The image of the sweet man I knew did not align with the mischievous child he had once been.
This pattern has emerged with other family members, too. Take our nephew, Max. At age four, he left a bruise on my husband’s backside after a hearty bite, peed on a playground buddy at six, and spat out some colorful language at eight. He had his moments, but he was not a little monster all the time—just had a few hellion tendencies.
Fast forward to now, and Max is a 17-year-old who is one of the most thoughtful, level-headed teens I’ve encountered. He’s incredibly driven and successful, playing a sport at an elite international level, and he’s just as kind-hearted as he is accomplished. He is the personal proof that kids can transform, helping me reconcile the wild child stories of Jake with the wonderful man I know today.
I’ve pondered how this transformation occurs. Many of those childhood behavioral quirks were likely rooted in a good old-fashioned stubbornness. Some kids possess an unyielding spirit that resists authority and the status quo. While this might pose challenges in childhood, those very traits can be linked to adult success.
A study tracking 700 kids from ages 9 to 40 found that those who displayed defiance and stubbornness in their early years often became financially successful adults. Of course, that doesn’t mean they didn’t have their moments of being difficult, but dedicated parenting tends to guide that energy in a positive direction. Both Jake and Max had loving, engaged parents who took on the challenge of shaping these rambunctious kids into outstanding adults.
However, it wasn’t an easy road. Their parents faced numerous trials, navigating behaviors and conflicts that could have easily led to feelings of defeat. Yet they persevered, committed to raising compassionate and contributing members of society. They focused on the good in their children and refused to let the tough moments define them.
So, if you find yourself with a little rascal at home, don’t lose hope. They may be a handful now, but stay focused on the bigger picture. Remember, you’re raising adults, not just children. Keeping an eye on what they might become can help you overlook their current antics. Work on correcting unruly behavior, but always keep in mind that beneath it all lies a remarkable child.
Jake and Max have shown me that writing off difficult children too soon is a huge mistake. With time, patience, and a lot of love, those wild kids can blossom into incredible adults.
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