Navigating the Tough Talk: Discussing Suicide with Your Teen

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As often happens, the conversation struck at the most unexpected moment—while I was driving down a bustling highway on the way to my son’s soccer practice. My mind was swirling with thoughts of dinner prep, homework deadlines, and an upcoming meeting. Suddenly, my 14-year-old son turned to me and said, “Hey, Mom? Can we talk about suicide for a bit?”

Nothing quite jolts you back to reality like a serious question from your teen, right? Knowing this was important, I pulled into a nearby parking lot to focus solely on him. Anxiety crept in as I braced for what he might say. I studied his face, noticing how the boyish roundness was slowly giving way to more mature angles.

After what felt like an eternity, he opened up about a recent school presentation on suicide prevention that had left him shaken. He shared some heartbreaking stories, including one from a classmate he’d known since kindergarten. With tears welling up, he asked, “What if he had actually done it?” We sat in silence, both grappling with the enormity of that thought.

As parents, we constantly fear for our children’s emotional well-being. We watch them navigate the tricky waters of friendship dynamics, bullying, and the general chaos of growing up, hoping we’ve equipped them with the tools to handle it all. We hear the tragic tales of families forever altered by the loss of a child to suicide, and we cling to our kids a little tighter, praying we won’t face that heartbreak.

Suicide is the unthinkable nightmare for any parent. Having survived my own teenage turbulence, I often worry that my son might be wrestling with similar feelings of inadequacy and isolation, secretly battling with his own demons. It’s easy to become overly attentive to every little squabble he has with friends, and it’s tough to resist the urge to step in and resolve conflicts for him. It’s challenging to recognize that the emotional upheaval typical of teenage years is just another rite of passage, much like dealing with sleepless nights as a parent of an infant.

That spring evening, I chose to be present for my son as he navigated his feelings. We talked about his classmate’s struggles and the loneliness that must have accompanied such a dark time. When he asked why someone would consider such drastic measures, I gently explained that for some, the pain can feel unbearable. His eyes brimmed with tears as he remarked, “It took so much bravery for my classmate to ask for help and to share his story with us.”

Absolutely, I affirmed. Those moments when your teen opens up are fleeting, so I seized the opportunity to check in on how he was really feeling. Track practice could wait; we discussed his social life and whether he felt accepted by his peers. I shared some stories from my own teenage years—times when I felt like an outsider or questioned my place in the world. We just talked about his experiences in the unforgiving realm of middle school.

To my surprise, he didn’t respond with the typical teenage eye-roll or dismissive comments. Instead, he said he felt content with where he was in life. While he admitted that middle school had its emotional minefields, he felt surrounded by friends who were all going through the same things. He found comfort in the shared awkwardness of braces, acne, and the sudden growth spurts. He assured me, “Don’t worry, Mom. I’m OK, I promise. If I ever feel otherwise, I’ll let you know.” In that moment, I realized that while we can’t guarantee everything will be fine, our kids often possess more resilience than we give them credit for. Their experiences as teens may differ significantly from ours, and sometimes it’s OK to loosen our grip and worry a little less.

As I watched my son dash off to practice, his silhouette framed against the setting sun, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. For now, I knew he was alright.

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Summary:

Talking about suicide with your teen can be daunting, but open communication is crucial. It’s important to listen, validate their feelings, and share your own experiences. This connection can foster resilience and understanding, helping both you and your teen navigate the complexities of adolescence together.