An Open Letter to the “Perfect” Parents: Let’s Put Down Our Pitchforks

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Dear Fellow Parents,

I implore you to reconsider the culture of blame and shame that has infiltrated our parenting community. Just over three decades ago, a mother browsing a department store left her 6-year-old son to play with some friends at an Atari kiosk. His name was Jake Collins. Tragically, Jake was abducted, and the nation mourned alongside his family.

Fast forward a few decades, and we witnessed another heartbreaking saga involving a toddler named Lily. She fell into a well while playing in her aunt’s backyard, leading to a grueling 58-hour rescue effort. During these tragedies, the collective response from parents was one of support and empathy. There was no finger-pointing, no accusations—just a shared sorrow for the families involved.

Now, in 2023, the age of the “Perfect Parent” has emerged. Recently, a 2-year-old boy was taken by an alligator while splashing around at a popular resort. His father, in a desperate attempt to save him, found himself in a nightmare. Pure horror unfolded before their eyes. This was an unforeseeable accident.

My heart aches for this family. I am filled with sorrow for the pain they are enduring right now. I know many of you feel the same way. However, not everyone is united in compassion. Nowadays, it seems like accidents are no longer accepted; we expect perfection.

Why is that? Because we’ve become a society obsessed with assigning blame. It’s as if we can’t allow an accident to be just that—an accident. Instead, we have to point fingers and declare, “This wouldn’t happen if they had been more careful.”

When tragedy strikes, the online comment sections light up with judgemental remarks: “Where were the parents?” “This is neglect!” “I would never let that happen!” But have you ever attended a child’s funeral? It’s a heart-wrenching experience that no parent should have to endure.

Consider this: in the coming days, the parents of that little boy will leave the resort without him. They’ll pack his Buzz Lightyear pajamas, and in the midst of their grief, they’ll face the unimaginable task of planning a funeral.

So, let me ask you, the ones who feel so compelled to blame: could you muster the courage to go up to that grieving mother and say, “Where were you when this happened?” Could you really look her in the eye and repeat the harsh words you typed online?

Instead, let’s try a different approach. How about this: “To the parents who just lost their little boy, I am so deeply sorry for your unimaginable loss. Your child was loved by us all. Please know that I’m here to support you in this dark time.” That is how we should respond—not with blame, but with love and understanding.

Let’s stop the cycle of shaming and start uplifting one another in our most difficult moments. In their darkest hours, let’s be the light for other parents.

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Let’s foster an environment of empathy and kindness. After all, we’re all in this together.

Summary

This letter urges parents to abandon the culture of blame and shame that has permeated parenting in recent years. By reflecting on past tragedies and offering support instead of judgement, we can create a more compassionate community.