You Don’t Always Deserve to Be Heard, Actually

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In today’s world, the concept of privilege can be a tricky subject; it’s one of those terms that can make people roll their eyes or groan in frustration. Many dismiss it as mere overreaction, not fully grasping that privilege isn’t a blanket statement. For instance, being straight doesn’t mean you never face challenges in dating; it just means you’re not bullied because of your orientation.

I have my own take on privilege. It feels like a balancing act—on one side, I’m granted a fair amount, and on the other, I encounter barriers. Sure, I’m white, cisgender, and raised in a loving home with access to quality education. That’s a lot of luck right there. But then again, I’m also a woman, queer, and plus-sized. So when discussions about being heard come up, I can relate to both the frustration of being overshadowed and the feeling of being overlooked.

Every woman knows the irritation of a man butting into conversations about feminism, only to “mansplain” issues that directly affect us. As if we need a guy to explain why our access to reproductive health is a hot topic, right? That guy is usually clueless and annoying. We live these realities daily, and it’s exhausting to have to educate those who will never truly understand our experiences.

On the flip side, my privilege means I often find myself in conversations where I am listened to. This can create a false sense of entitlement, making me think I deserve to be heard simply based on my skin color. I had a recent experience that illustrated this perfectly. While on a road trip with friends, one of whom was a woman of color, we stopped at a gift shop. She stood at the counter for over twenty minutes trying to get help, while I wandered around. When I returned, the shopkeeper immediately turned to me, ignoring her. I quickly pointed out that she had been waiting, and only then did he assist her. This is just a small glimpse of how microaggressions can manifest; they happen all the time, and they can wear a person down.

As women, we face similar subtle slights daily. Those little comments and behaviors chip away at our confidence, even when the incidents feel trivial. It’s crucial to recognize when we should step back in conversations. Even if we think we’re defending our friends, we might unintentionally be taking up space that someone else needs.

When a white person makes a vile comment to one of my friends, I often want to apologize to them for what they experienced. However, doing so can inadvertently shift the focus onto my feelings instead of theirs. Instead, I should acknowledge the situation without seeking their reassurance because their experience is what truly matters.

It’s about understanding that when we, as privileged individuals, feel entitled to be heard, we might be overshadowing those who are genuinely oppressed. There are certainly ways we can use our privilege to lift others up, but first, we need to quiet ourselves and practice the art of listening.

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In summary, it’s essential to recognize that being heard isn’t a universal right. Sometimes, our voices can unintentionally drown out those who need to be heard more. It’s time we prioritize listening over speaking, especially in spaces where we might not belong.