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Tantrums Don’t Stop After Toddlerhood
“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!” This iconic line from The Godfather: Part III resonates not just with Michael Corleone but with me as a parent (and thankfully, I’ve only got two kids, so no plans for a third!).
Before entering fatherhood, I was petrified at the thought of caring for an infant. Once I got the hang of that, I started to fret about the toddler years. Then came the walking and talking, and suddenly I was worrying about the terrible twos, only to be quickly ushered into the wild threes, which seamlessly transitioned into the rebellious fours. See the pattern? It’s a never-ending cycle!
Now, my son is 5 ½, and I can’t even label this stage. What I do know is that the words I often use to describe his behavior are probably not fit for polite company. He’s developed the cognitive and communicative skills of a little human, yet he still possesses the emotional maturity of a toddler. They say you have to take the sweet with the sour, but must I also endure the downright terrible and the ugly?
Just the other week, I woke up and tried to get my son ready for school. I made the rookie mistake of asking him to dress before breakfast since we were running late. Instead of a simple “sure” or even “no thanks,” he crumpled to the floor, wailing as though he’d just stubbed his toe on a Lego. I whipped up a bagel, which he usually eats (by “eat,” I mean he reluctantly consumes it after some whining), and went off to shower. When I returned and asked if he had eaten his bagel, he casually replied, “I tossed it in the trash.” Yep, there it was, perched on top of the garbage, right next to my hopes for an easier parenting phase.
This is the crux of parenting: the mythical “easy” stage seems to be a fairytale. Every developmental milestone brings new challenges. For every exciting new skill your child acquires, a frustrating consequence tags along. The difficult moments don’t vanish; they simply transform. One step forward, two steps back.
I’ve transitioned from battling diapers and sleep training to wrestling with potty training and wandering off, right into the realm of tantrums and whining. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been mired in this “tantrum and whining” phase forever! My kid is nearly 6—when will he start acting like a grown-up?! (Meanwhile, I’m approaching 40 and still throw my own tantrums about parenting, so maybe it’s never!)
We parents often spend our time lamenting one phase and wishing it away, only to yearn for it back when the new phase proves even more challenging! The more things change, the more they remain unchanged.
You want them to walk and talk until they start sprinting into traffic and sassing back. You wish for their independence, only to find them disobeying and breaking your complex spelling codes. You think that with age comes ease, but instead, they become sharper and more defiant. Their growing skills outpace their ability to manage emotions or grasp consequences. If I recall my own childhood, this struggle doesn’t ease until well after the teenage years.
The mature response would be to cherish each moment and not rush through the phases. Though each stage brings its share of stress and frustration, it’s also filled with awe, joy, and wonder. Unfortunately, it’s tough to appreciate the little moments when my 5 ½-year-old is howling about dessert being off-limits until after dinner.
It’s a delicate balance of “be careful what you wish for,” but I’m more than willing to place my bets on the next phase if it means these ridiculous tantrums will finally fade away!
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Summary
Parenting is a perpetual cycle of challenges, with each stage bringing new frustrations and lessons. From diapers to tantrums, the journey is never-ending, and with every passing year, children grow smarter but not necessarily more emotionally adept. As parents, we often find ourselves wishing for easier days, only to realize that every phase comes with its own unique set of hurdles. Embracing the chaos while seeking support and resources is part of the parenting adventure.