What I Really Mean When I Say ‘I’m Fine’

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“How’s it going?” my friend asks over the phone, a whopping 1,800 miles away. “I’m fine!” I reply. “Busy, but fine.”

This is my default response whenever someone checks in on me. And I suspect it’s the same for many of us, right? We often reply with something like “Okay,” or “Not bad,” or “Doing great.” It’s not that I’m lying—I am, in fact, doing fine. Most of the time, in a broad, general way. I mean, I’m not facing a major crisis or contemplating a dramatic exit from life. I’m grateful and try to appreciate the good things.

But isn’t “fine” such a vague term? What does it really convey? Does it mean just okay? Does it signal something spectacular? Or is it merely a way to say “not terrible”? It’s a classic non-answer—an easy escape route that lets us dodge the deeper conversation.

What Lies Beneath

But what if we were brutally honest when asked how we are? When I say, “I’m fine,” there’s a whirlwind of emotions swirling beneath the surface, like:

• I’m so exhausted that I’m contemplating a coffee IV drip.
• If I endure one more child’s complaint about dinner, I might start to lose it.
• I’m constantly worried that I’m messing up my kids in some way.
• I feel like I’m juggling five glass balls, and honestly, I never learned how to juggle.
• I love my kids so much that sometimes I wonder if it’s a bit too much.
• I fear my brain might just combust from all the thoughts racing around.
• I’m perpetually anxious—not just in this moment, but always, about everything. Kids, bills, the state of the world, my cat who insists on using the rug as a litter box. You name it.
• Sometimes, I shed a tear in the shower.
• I’m in awe of my children’s growth and learning.
• I had a terrible night’s sleep and feel crushed by the weight of motherhood.
• Last night I slept like a rock, and today I feel like I could conquer the world.
• I adore my kids more than anything, but I also fantasize about a quick getaway.
• I’m desperately trying to balance being a wife, mother, sister, daughter, employee, artist, and individual all at once.
• I’ve lost touch with who I used to be, and there are moments I really miss that person.
• I want to freeze time because the thought of my kids growing up is just heart-wrenching.

Even when I’m content and grateful, a stream of complicated emotions runs beneath it all. Constant worry, overwhelming tiredness, deep love, and conflicting desires all swirl together. Sometimes it bubbles up, often in the shower, and occasionally it erupts unexpectedly, usually after the kids are tucked in. Yet, that river of feeling is always there, coursing through my heart.

Sharing Our Truths

Should we share these feelings with others? I’d argue yes, especially with our close friends and fellow moms. We all experience that undercurrent of chaos. It’s vital to know we’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed. However, do people genuinely want to hear the unvarnished truth? I’m not sure. I just know that saying “I’m fine” doesn’t quite capture it, and that honesty is often the best approach. So when a friend calls, maybe I can just say, “I’m a mom,” and let that speak volumes.

For those of us navigating this journey, that phrase truly sums it all up.

Further Reading

For more insights on the challenges and joys of parenting, check out this article. If you’re interested in home insemination, visit Make a Mom, a reputable source on the subject. And for additional support, Mount Sinai offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.

Summary

When asked how we are, many of us respond with the generic “I’m fine,” but this response often masks a tumultuous mix of emotions. Beneath the surface, feelings of exhaustion, worry, and love swirl together in the complexity of motherhood. It’s important to share these feelings with close friends to combat isolation, even if we’re unsure how much honesty others want. Perhaps a simple “I’m a mom” is a more honest answer that encapsulates the reality of our experiences.