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Why I Overvalue My Kids More Than I Probably Should
June 24, 2016
There they are, sprawled on the living room floor, constructing elaborate structures out of bright yellow blocks and wielding them like lightsabers. In a flash, they’ve transitioned to a treasure map, charting a course through the depths of their closet. One moment they are in the kitchen, the next, they’re playing dress-up, and then they vanish into their fort, their imaginations weaving tales just for the two of them.
I can’t help but watch for a moment, totally amazed by their creativity and collaboration. It’s incredible that they can play together for ages without bickering or bursting into tears over their earlier cries of, “Mommy, pleeeaaaase, I’m starving!”
As I pick up their notebook filled with family doodles, playground sketches, and random polka dots, I find their names written in a wobbly, oversized font that only a child could produce. When did my little one go from being a tiny baby to a child who can write and color within the lines, be kind, and leap off the third step without a care?
I’m completely taken aback, filled with love for this little person, so I tell her, “Hey there, I’m really proud of you. You’re strong, brave, and you’ve worked so hard to learn your letters.”
Wait a second—am I allowed to say that? Aren’t we supposed to be raising a generation of kids who are not overly praised, who learn to cope with disappointment, and who don’t get trophies just for showing up? Shouldn’t I only celebrate her achievements when she’s actually earned it?
Yet, I can’t help but shower her with love for simply being who she is. I tell her she’s beautiful just as she is, that I adore the art she created, and that she’s capable of achieving anything she sets her mind to. And yes, we balance this with lessons about effort, celebrating others, and acknowledging hard work. Life in our household includes consequences and the occasional meltdown, and my kids are wonderfully average in all the best ways.
But here’s the kicker: our time with them is limited. There’s only so many years when my voice will be louder than their friends, the media, and all the noise in the world. I want to seize every moment to remind them how fantastic they are, that they are perfect just the way they are, and that they are uniquely brilliant, creative, and strong.
I tell them the truths I believe so they won’t second-guess themselves when the world tries to tell them otherwise. Because let’s face it—society will throw plenty of negativity their way. Magazines will insist they need to fit a certain mold, friends will pressure them to dress a certain way, and boys will try to dictate their behavior. I want them to be unwaveringly confident in their worth so that they can brush off any whispers of inadequacy.
It’s crucial to distinguish between letting kids know they are loved and making them think they’re better than everyone else. In these formative years, it’s my job to be their anchor, to support and uplift them as they grow, and to prepare them to venture out into the world.
And when they accomplish what I always knew they could, I’ll be right there to say, “See, kiddo? I knew you could do it!”
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Summary: This piece reflects on the importance of valuing children for who they are while also preparing them for the challenges they’ll face. It emphasizes the need for parents to build their kids’ confidence and self-worth in a world that can be critical and harsh.