Why Moms Need Wine: A Survival Guide to Parenting

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Let’s face it: the stereotype of moms joking about needing wine is as common as yoga pants, coffee runs, and minivans. But for me, wine isn’t just a joke—it’s an essential tool for surviving the chaos of motherhood. I could probably survive without stretchy pants (though, why would I want to?), and maybe even coffee (gasp), but wine? No way.

Trust me, I’ve tried going without it, and it was a disaster.

I remember one time when my little one decided to roll down a grocery store parking lot in a shopping cart while I was getting the baby settled in the van. It was like a scene from an action movie—people were diving out of their cars to save him as he sped toward a busy street. We caught him just in time, but before I could catch my breath, the baby had a blowout. Yep, in the car seat. Welcome to motherhood, where the drama is real.

I drink because my mother is battling cancer, and some days she can barely speak over the roar of my kids. So, there I was, on the phone with her, when my youngest slipped out the back door, leaving it wide open. After a mini heart attack and a frantic search, I found her wandering down the street, just in a diaper! That night, after calmly putting the kids to bed, I sank into a hot bath, wine in hand, like it was my lifeline. My husband offered me a refill with a knowing look. Yes, please.

I drink because boys are little tornadoes of destruction. Just last week, my son decided it would be fun to beat our outdoor water spigot with a shovel. Guess who had to call her husband to come home from work to fix it? Yep, that was me. Nothing makes you feel more like a hot mess than needing help with a simple fix.

I drink because when my oldest gets in trouble and I send him outside, he chooses to leave his mark by spray painting “I LOVE YOU” on the driveway. Sweet sentiment? Sure. But also permanent.

I drink because there’s always a kid trying to swallow something they shouldn’t or sticking a fork in a light socket. And don’t get me started on the trampoline we bought. What were we thinking?

I’ve even had to rush one of my kids to the emergency room for constipation, despite my careful monitoring of their fiber intake. It was a nightmare—one I bet the nurse also needed a drink after.

Cleaning out the van is a whole other level of horror. I recently found bubblegum stuffed in the headrest hole and sandwich crusts petrified between the seats. Honestly, just looking at my van makes me want to pour a glass of wine. It’s so messy that I’m too embarrassed to get it detailed, so I just keep driving it. Because hey, I’m a mom, and I don’t let crushed goldfish slow me down!

Today, I braved the grocery store with my kids. They were mostly well-behaved, but my toddler kept grabbing my shopping list, my middle child was meowing, and my oldest was peppering me with questions. I barely managed to fill my cart with essentials like Cheerios and fish sticks, and of course, I grabbed a box of wine before heading to the register.

When the cashier scanned my wine, she gave me that knowing look—like she saw another mom in need. She glanced at my kids, who were belting out “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae),” then back at me, fumbling in my purse. She handed me the wine and said, “Girl…you need this.” And oh boy, did I!

For fellow moms navigating this wild ride, remember to take a moment for yourself—even if it’s just with a glass of wine. If you want to dive deeper into motherhood and family planning, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.

In summary, being a mom is a whirlwind of chaos, laughter, and occasionally, a bit of wine. Whether it’s the little disasters or the heartwarming moments, it’s all part of the journey.