My Child Isn’t Perfect…And Yours Isn’t Either

My son struggles with names. Part of it is due to his ADHD, and part is just his knack for forgetting right after someone introduces themselves. This became a significant hurdle when it was time to send out birthday invitations. “That kid with the blue shirt who loves dinosaurs” isn’t the best way to address an invite. We didn’t sugarcoat the issue.

“I know remembering names is tough for you, Max. Are there any that come to mind?” I asked, feeling a bit hopeless.

He managed to recall a couple.

I held back a sigh of frustration.

“Let’s brainstorm some strategies to help you remember their names. You could ask someone else to find out for you, like me—totally not awkward, right? You could repeat their name several times after being introduced and maybe even let them know that you struggle with names, so you might ask again later. How about we practice these ideas?”

My kids are pretty amazing. But like any child, they have their shortcomings. It’s essential for them to recognize this—not just for practical reasons (we needed to get those invites sent out) but also socially. They need to understand their strengths and weaknesses to navigate life effectively.

Most importantly, they need to realize that everyone has areas where they fall short.

Helicopter parenting often prevents kids from experiencing failure—whether that’s falling off the monkey bars, misreading a word, or receiving a less-than-stellar grade. When kids aren’t allowed to stumble, they develop an inflated sense of their abilities. Then, when they finally do face a challenge, they crash hard and often end up needing support from a counselor.

Addressing your child’s weaknesses is a fine balance. Parents often fear demoralizing their kids, which leads to hovering. But there are simple ways to help them understand and improve their weaknesses while also recognizing their true strengths.

1. Own Your Flaws.

Not in a “math is so hard” way, but genuinely share your struggles—like being late or forgetting to pay bills. Make it a dialogue: “I find it really tough to be on time. I always underestimate how long it’ll take me to get ready and get sidetracked with other tasks.” This invites your child to respond, and they may surprise you with their solutions.

2. Acknowledge Their Weaknesses.

It’s tough to admit, but we need to be honest. Instead of saying, “Math isn’t his strongest subject,” try, “Wow, you’re really having trouble with math.” Follow it up with, “Let’s practice together, if you want.” This shows that hard work can lead to improvement.

3. Discuss How to Improve.

If extra practice in math or working with a tutor would help, say so and make a plan. If your child has a learning disability, collaborate with their therapist to set achievable goals.

4. Avoid False Expectations.

Sometimes, it’s crucial to clarify that your child might not reach the same level as their peers in certain areas. They may never excel in math, just as you won’t be dancing at the ballet. That’s perfectly fine. Balance this with discussions about how everyone has strengths and weaknesses—yes, even you.

5. Skip Excessive Praise.

If kids are constantly showered with compliments, they start to expect them and eventually tune them out. If you want to have an honest conversation about what they do well, be selective with your praise.

6. Ditch “Good Job!”

Instead of the generic “Good job!” try saying, “Wow, you really put in a lot of effort!” This emphasizes that their accomplishments come from hard work, not just talent. Kids can always choose to work hard, but they won’t always have a natural knack for everything.

7. Highlight Their Strengths.

If you’re candid about their weaknesses, they won’t just brush off your feedback when you point out their strengths. Specific praises like, “You’re fantastic at reading challenging words,” or “You have a great kick in soccer,” can reinforce their confidence and show them they excel in other areas.

Let’s face it: unless you’re raising a prodigy, your child is likely struggling in at least one area. As a parent, it’s crucial to help them recognize this—not to bring them down, but to prepare them for life, encourage growth, and help them understand themselves and their environment. Discussing weaknesses isn’t about discouragement; it’s about empowerment.

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In summary, embracing both strengths and weaknesses in our children helps them develop a well-rounded sense of self. It’s not just about avoiding embarrassment; it’s about nurturing resilience and understanding in a complex world.