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Co-Parenting: The Simplified Edition
After five years post-divorce, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I can’t change my ex, Tom. He does his thing, I do mine, and my thoughts and feelings don’t hold much sway. What didn’t mesh in marriage definitely doesn’t mesh in co-parenting.
Like many divorced couples, we often find ourselves in the same repetitive arguments. One topic that sparks countless emails and texts is the definition of co-parenting. Tom insists I should only parent during “my time” and believes it’s best if we don’t pry into each other’s homes. Our co-parenting communication is strictly limited to the essentials—emails and calendar invites. Discussing who takes our daughter to her regular dentist visits or who responds to a birthday party invitation is as deep as we get. Essentially, we parent in isolation, managing our own lives with minimal interaction and keeping stress levels low.
Sounds simple, right? Unfortunately for me, I crave deeper connections. I’m a person who invests wholeheartedly in everything I do, and my kids deserve no less. They are complex, evolving beings filled with emotions, aspirations, and surprises.
In my ideal world, we’d have weekly discussions about our kids, where we could collectively navigate important topics like safety, technology, and behavior. We’d set rules and boundaries that apply regardless of whose house they’re in. Yes, it would require time and effort from both of us, which sounds a bit daunting.
Parenting is not a walk in the park; it’s chaotic, exhausting, and filled with rewards and worries. Adding regular meetings with my ex into that mix? I get why he’d rather avoid it. Tom is right—if I limited my parenting to “my time,” our interactions would likely improve. I’ve seen blended families that vacation together, but I’ve accepted that we’re not one of those rare gems. I carried each of our children for what felt like an eternity, and turning off my parenting instincts for an entire weekend is nearly impossible.
Every few days, I watch my kids head off with their dad, and while that twinge of sadness hits my heart, I comfort myself knowing they have a father who loves them just as much. I wish I could just switch off my parenting mode. I’d love to enjoy a kid-free Sunday without constant texts and emails. But my maternal instincts refuse to be silenced. Once activated, my parenting switch is permanently on.
So here we are—two co-parents with different philosophies. Tom does things his way, and I do things mine. I will advocate for my kids around the clock, sending messages whenever I feel it’s necessary. I’ll keep pushing against closed doors, hoping one will eventually open. Tom can parent however he sees fit—whether that’s full-time or part-time, that’s his call. When the kids are with me, he’s welcome to share his thoughts or stay completely out of the loop.
I’ll keep doing what I do, while he’ll keep suggesting I back off. We’ll persist in our ways. If insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting different outcomes, then we might both be a bit crazy. But you know what? A sprinkle of insanity exists in even the most stable families. We’ll manage.
For more insights into parenting and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from the CDC or dive deeper into the topic with this guide on couples’ fertility journeys. If you’re curious about the realities of co-parenting, you can also read more about it in one of our other blog posts.
Summary
Navigating co-parenting can be challenging, especially when both parents have differing philosophies. While one may prefer a hands-off approach, the other may be deeply invested in their children’s lives. Ultimately, both parents must find a way to coexist for the sake of their kids, despite the chaos that parenting brings.