Feminism can mean different things to different people, but to me, it’s all about recognizing that women are just as strong and capable as men. It’s a reminder that even in this day and age, people often overlook this fundamental truth. Feminism isn’t about elevating women above men, nor does it dictate how women should present themselves or organize their family lives. It’s about granting everyone—regardless of their gender—the freedom to choose their own path. It’s about empowering individuals to step beyond the restrictive gender roles society often imposes.
I proudly identify as a feminist, and I’m thrilled to share this journey with my husband, Mark, who is also a feminist. We’ve always encouraged each other to embrace whatever roles we desire within our marriage and as parents. Some of our dynamics are quite traditional: he’s the primary breadwinner, handles most of the driving for the kids, and is the champion of roughhousing with our boys. Meanwhile, I’m the full-time caregiver, taking charge of the cooking and cleaning.
However, we also embrace nontraditional roles. Mark is usually the one to take our kids to their medical appointments, and he has spent countless hours soothing our babies to sleep. I, on the other hand, manage the family finances and make most of the spending decisions.
Being a feminist dad isn’t about reciting feminist theory or showering me with praise; it’s about actively participating in our lives, sharing parenting responsibilities, and not assuming I’ll take on certain tasks just because I’m a woman.
So what else does it mean to be a feminist dad?
- Feminist dads don’t think of parenting as ‘babysitting.’ When Mark takes our kids out, people often commend him: “What a great dad!” But nobody ever praises me for simply taking them to the grocery store. Parenting is a shared responsibility, not a favor.
- Feminist dads understand that parenting is a 24/7 commitment. Everyone knows that parenting doesn’t stop when the sun goes down, especially in those early years. If the mom typically handles nighttime duties, that’s fine, but dads are just as capable and willing to pitch in.
- Feminist dads support their partners’ choices. Decisions about who works outside the home, who makes the lunches, and who rocks the newborn should be based on personal preference, not gender. Yes, physical aspects like pregnancy and breastfeeding usually fall to the birthing parent, but everything else should be free of outdated norms.
- Feminist dads are open-minded about gender roles. If your son wants to wear a tutu or your daughter opts for a buzzcut and baseball cap, go for it! Feminist dads encourage their children to explore their identities without the constraints of stereotypes.
- Feminist dads share household chores. I loathe laundry, while Mark doesn’t mind it at all. I enjoy tidying up, but I refuse to be the sole clean-up crew for the Lego explosion that appears nightly. Dividing tasks based on preference makes for a happier household.
- Feminist dads engage in cooperative decision-making. Every decision, big or small, is made together. This may seem straightforward today, but it wasn’t the case just a few decades ago when many relationships were dominated by traditional gender roles.
- Feminist dads aren’t afraid to show emotions. Let’s celebrate the dads who let their tiny ones nap on their chests, embrace babywearing, and aren’t shy about saying “I love you” or shedding tears in front of their kids. We appreciate you for being so open.
I’m fortunate to have a feminist partner like Mark. He’s not without flaws, but I cherish navigating the wild ride of parenthood with him. Most importantly, as the dad to our two boys, he sets an incredible example of fatherhood. I can’t predict if they will become dads themselves, but if they do, I’m confident they’ll be outstanding feminist fathers too.
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Summary
Feminist dads play an active role in parenting, supporting their partners, and embracing nontraditional roles. They reject outdated gender norms and encourage their children to explore their identities freely. By promoting cooperation and emotional expression, they redefine what it means to be a father in today’s world.