My partner and I are raising some pretty decent kids, and I’m proud of that. We’ve instilled values of kindness, hard work, and service in our children. It’s a journey, but we’ve been navigating it relatively well. Our kids, now aged 15, 11, and 7, have stayed out of major trouble, are generally respectful, and are a joy to have around.
But honestly? I’m a bit baffled by how we’ve accomplished this, especially since I’ve read countless articles stressing the importance of consistency and consequences in parenting. If I’m being real, I often feel like I’m failing when it comes to discipline.
Proactive vs. Reactive Discipline
On the proactive side of discipline, I seem to shine. We’ve been coaching our kids on virtues since they were toddlers, and we often discuss behavioral challenges through that lens. I guide them on what’s appropriate in different situations, sometimes even role-playing scenarios that may trip them up. I maintain open lines of communication, where they feel safe asking me anything. So, in that respect, I feel pretty confident.
But then comes the other side—enforcing consequences when they misbehave. UGH. I’m all over the place. I forget what I’ve said. I might give a consequence for a misstep but then totally forget to carry it out. I try to set up systems for chores or for earning extra screen time, but those plans fizzle out after a couple of days because I find it’s just too much hassle. I tell my kids I won’t repeat myself, and then I find myself saying the same thing over and over until I lose my temper. I set a poor example, nagging them about their messy rooms while mine looks like a tornado hit it. I set screen time limits that often go ignored because I either lose track of time or get sidetracked. I even let them negotiate snacks at bedtime, which usually ends up being something semi-healthy like apples and peanut butter. While they don’t run the show, I can’t shake the worry that I’m not strict enough.
Different Approaches to Discipline
I’ve read about parents who adopt a tough-love approach, like my friend, Bella, who recently stripped her son’s room bare and made him earn everything back with good behavior. I admire her strength and determination, and I think it’s an effective method. But it’s just not my style. I’m more of a laid-back, Type B mom. I believe such extreme measures would likely frighten my kids, as they’d know it would take a monumental issue to provoke that kind of response from me.
So far, despite my relaxed stance on discipline, our kids haven’t shown any serious behavioral problems. Yes, they’ve gone through their phases, but that’s typical kid stuff. More often than not, our biggest challenges stem from issues like shyness or anxiety, which wouldn’t be fair to punish.
Concerns About Consistency
Still, my inconsistency bothers me. I’m not worried it will turn them into little monsters; I think we’ve shown that won’t happen. My real concern is that they might inherit my struggles with consistency and discipline. One day, they’ll have kids with different personalities and backgrounds, and I hope they’ve learned how to establish rules and stick to them. I’m also anxious about how this might impact other areas of their lives. Just because my laid-back approach has worked for us doesn’t mean it will for them.
At the end of the day, we all have to navigate parenting in our own way, right? Maybe one day one of our kids will really test our limits and demand a firmer approach. Or perhaps they’re just not wired that way, much like I’m not inclined to adopt strict discipline methods.
My hope is that my proactive discipline efforts can balance out my reactive shortcomings. Just like our kids, I’m a work in progress too. I trust that they’ll see me trying, recognize my humanity, and understand that there are countless ways to raise good kids—even if discipline isn’t my forte.
Further Reading
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Summary
In this lighthearted reflection on parenting, the author shares her struggles with discipline while celebrating her children’s positive traits. Despite feeling inconsistent and often forgetting to enforce consequences, she remains hopeful that her proactive efforts in teaching virtues will compensate for her reactive challenges. Ultimately, she embraces the journey of parenting, recognizing the importance of trying and learning along the way.