In Defense of Guiding Other People’s Kids

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The other day at the neighborhood pool, a kid was running around like he was training for the Olympics. The pool attendant politely told him to walk—something pool attendants have been doing since the dawn of public swimming. Suddenly, the kid’s dad, a hefty fellow who looked like he meant business, stormed over. He declared, with all the seriousness of a dad at a barbecue, that only he, as the father, had the authority to tell his child what to do. In short: Don’t you dare talk to my kid; I’m the only one who gets to decide if he needs direction.

The attendant maintained his composure (I might have rolled my eyes or muttered something under my breath) and explained that it was his job to enforce the pool rules, and “no running” is pretty much a universal law of the pool. The dad doubled down, puffing out his chest as if he was challenging the lifeguard to a duel, insisting that his kid was perfectly fine running around. So, the kid was free to sprint because Dad said so—who cares about the rules, right? This is America!

This incident got me thinking about a growing trend among parents who seem terrified of letting anyone else—especially other adults—give their kids a little guidance. My friend’s family had some visitors, and when one adult offered a gentle reminder to share, they immediately realized their faux pas and apologized profusely for overstepping. My friend, however, was baffled. “Are you serious? Please tell my kids when they’re being rude or inappropriate! They need to learn that authority comes from more than just me.”

If I don’t allow other adults to step in when my kids misbehave, I’m essentially setting them up for a rude awakening in the real world. Following this dad-at-the-pool’s logic, lifeguards wouldn’t be able to lifeguard, teachers would be unable to teach, coaches couldn’t coach, and in the future, managers wouldn’t manage. You see where this is headed, right?

Is this obsession with protecting our kids from any form of criticism a new phenomenon? We all know that one overzealous mom who’s at the school daily, making sure her child gets straight A’s, is elected to student council, or lands a spot in the gifted program. Fast forward to college, and professors will be rolling their eyes when she calls about an issue that doesn’t concern her.

Recently, my middle-schooler and his project partner missed a deadline after multiple reminders. The other kid’s mom (whom I barely know) showed up at my door, refusing to leave until we discussed the “injustice” of it all. She was heartbroken over her child’s disappointment and wanted a solution. I suggested she escalate the matter to a school administrator if she believed there was a chance for a reversal. I haven’t heard from her since.

Now, I’m not one to brag, but my teenager has faced his fair share of setbacks—and that’s a good thing. We recently discussed failure and how important it is for him to experience it while he’s still at home. I told him it’s my job to let him stumble and learn to pick himself up. This is an essential life skill; I refuse to let my kid crumble during his first semester in college because I didn’t prepare him. You know the type—the one who becomes forgettable in a sea of students.

So, to everyone who knows my kids: feel free to tell them what to do. It’s totally acceptable. If they’re putting their feet on your coffee table, running around, or messing with things that aren’t theirs, step in. As they grow older, you might find yourself reminding them not to devour all your snacks or to keep their drinks off your freshly vacuumed carpet. Whatever the rules are in your home, please hold my kids accountable. I have a personal stake in this, after all.

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In summary, it’s important for children to learn from various adults and understand that guidance can come from many sources. The more they hear constructive feedback, the better prepared they’ll be for the real world.