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Attention Parents: Kids Excel at Forgiveness
When my son, Jake, was just 4 years old, his best buddy smacked him right in the face and snatched his string cheese. Just moments later, they were back to playing like nothing had happened. I watched my little guy, with his tousled hair and infectious laugh, and wondered how he could possibly forgive such a transgression.
Now, it’s not that his friend was some kind of notorious bully; this was just the most dramatic event in their friendship at that point. But honestly, if someone punched me and stole my snack, I’d be drafting a lawsuit and maybe even considering a restraining order. There’s no way I’d be ready to jump back into playtime just 10 minutes later!
But that’s the magic of childhood: my kids are champions at forgiveness. Fast forward to today, and Jake is now 9. He hasn’t held a grudge yet—not that I’ve seen, anyway. I’ve got three kids, and Jake’s younger sisters, Lily and Mia, aged 6 and 2, share this remarkable ability. Sure, they’ve called me mean when I’ve taken away their tablets or canceled playdates, but it’s all in good fun. I’ve watched Mia yank Lily’s hair and pop her birthday balloon, only to see them sharing giggles over Curious George a short while later.
Maybe this is just my family, or perhaps kids in general are more forgiving than adults. Regardless, I know one thing for sure: at some point, probably during their teenage years, my kids will learn to hold grudges—and I can’t pinpoint when I learned that trick myself.
I spend so much time teaching my kids everything from the basics of hygiene to reading, but I often overlook what I can pick up from them. Their ability to forgive quickly, whether it’s with each other or their friends, is a lesson in itself. I’m 33 now and have witnessed grudges last for years—I’ve seen siblings stop talking over everything from money disputes to a missing crockpot. Sure, some acts feel unforgivable, but most aren’t. Kids seem to understand that holding onto anger just gets in the way of fun. It makes me wonder how many joyful moments I might be missing out on because I can’t let go of minor grievances.
This realization hits hard when I think about my older brother. We haven’t spoken in nearly a year, and it’s a stark contrast to how we used to be. As kids, we fought but always made up. Somewhere along the way, we learned to dislike each other, fueled by differing political views and religious beliefs. Now, every conversation feels like a battle, and he eventually stopped answering my calls. Those lost connections remind me of the playful times we shared and make me wish we could return to that state of innocence.
I’m planning to reach out to him again. If he answers, I’ll apologize because I know forgiveness is a two-way street. If you have someone in your life you wish you could reconnect with, take a look at your kids and their natural ability to forgive. It’s a powerful reminder of what we could achieve if we learned to let go.
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Summary
Kids have a remarkable ability to forgive, often bouncing back from conflicts with ease. This article reflects on the author’s observations of his children’s forgiving nature and contrasts it with the grudges that can develop in adulthood. It highlights the importance of learning from children’s innate kindness and emphasizes the value of reconnecting with loved ones.