I Parent My Kids Differently Because They’re All Unique

I’m a mom of three, and let me tell you, their personalities range from wildly energetic to quietly enigmatic. Because they’re so different, I don’t treat them the same, and honestly, I don’t feel the need to apologize for it. They don’t even seem to notice!

Sure, some things need to be fair across the board, but since each of my kids processes situations differently, my approach to their behavior—both rewards and consequences—varies as well. I’m not talking about favoritism or letting one child get away with everything; I just believe that every child is unique and deserves to have their individual traits nurtured in distinct ways. What helps one child succeed may not apply to another, and that’s perfectly okay.

Homework

Take homework, for instance. My son, Alex, is a whiz when it comes to his assignments. He finishes them in a flash right after school, often without me needing to remind him. On the flip side, my daughters, Bella and Mia, struggle significantly. Getting through a single worksheet can turn into a full-blown battle. I’ve resorted to nagging, withholding snacks, and electronics until they finish. If they ask to do it later, I firmly say no since “later” usually leads to more drama (trust me, I’ve learned the hard way). Meanwhile, Alex breezes through his work, so if he asks to push it back, I’m all for it because I know he’ll follow through.

Friends

When it comes to friendships, Alex craves more social time than Bella and Mia. He’s never been one to play well with his sisters—if he can’t be the boss, he simply opts out. After years of trying to explain why this behavior is not cool, I’m relieved that he’s older now and can hang out with friends. Everyone is happier this way. Bella and Mia are content with each other’s company and rarely ask for friends over. If they did, I’d gladly oblige, but for now, we’re all just rolling with it.

Chores

Ironically, while Alex excels at homework, he drags his feet when it comes to chores. Complaining is his specialty, and I have little patience for it. He gets punished quickly for his antics, while Bella and Mia are much more agreeable and get a bit more leniency. When they ask to do their chores later, I’m usually fine with it because I know they’ll actually get it done.

Behavior at School

One day, Bella came home in tears after accidentally getting caught in a tiny food fight at school. I think she just flicked a blueberry, but she was devastated. I didn’t hear from her teacher, but she told me everything. I chose not to punish her since she was already upset and hasn’t acted out like that since. Now, if Alex or Mia were in that situation, they’d likely face consequences. Their teachers and I have a solid relationship, and I have zero tolerance for their mischief. I have to be strict because if I don’t enforce rules at home, they don’t feel guilty enough to change their behavior at school.

When They Get Hurt

Recently, Alex wiped out on his bike and casually strolled in to tell me about it—after snagging a snack, of course. There was blood everywhere, and I was convinced he needed stitches (thankfully, he didn’t). While I cleaned up his scrapes, he just sat there munching away, ready to hop back on his bike. If I fuss over him after an injury, he gets annoyed. On the other hand, Bella and Mia would need my full attention and TLC after something like that. No mom enjoys seeing their kid in pain, after all.

Before I had kids, I imagined them to be more like little robots—eating, reacting, and crying in sync. But the reality is far from that. Just because they’re all kids doesn’t mean they aren’t individuals. Each of their strengths should be acknowledged, and their sensitive spots nurtured. I never want them to feel ashamed for being different or to think they need to measure up to each other. I want them to embrace their unique selves, so I parent them based on their individual needs.

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Summary

In conclusion, I treat my children differently because they each have their own unique personalities that require distinct parenting approaches. From homework and friendships to chores and reactions to injuries, I’ve learned that understanding and nurturing their individual needs is key to a harmonious household.