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10 Ways Disagreements Have Fortified Our Marriage
You know, I once stumbled across a study claiming that finances and household chores are the top arguments for couples. For us, however, the big debates revolve around two major topics: who’s more exhausted and the true definition of what constitutes a bath. Just so we’re clear, turning on the tub for the kids is not the same as giving them a bath—it’s merely starting the process. And just to set the record straight, I’m definitely more tired than he is.
The early years of marriage were a bit of a rollercoaster ride. While everyone says they’re supposed to be the golden years, they felt like a clumsy dance where neither of us knew the steps. It took a few years to find our rhythm as a married couple while still holding on to our individual identities. Then we added kids to the mix, and it felt like we were juggling even more roles. Together, we are four people: ourselves, our partner, co-parents, and parents. That’s a lot of personalities in one relationship, making it nearly impossible to avoid a few disagreements along the way.
In my experience, even with careful selection of our battles, conflicts are bound to occur. And surprisingly, that’s a good thing! They help us advocate for ourselves and our relationship. As long as there’s no verbal or physical abuse (which is a hard no), arguing can actually be quite healthy for us. Here’s how I believe that disagreements can bolster a marriage:
- Enhances Communication
Whether you’re shouting, sniping, or simply engaging in light banter, you’re still communicating. Every heated argument eventually transitions into a civil conversation—though it may take a few days. Communication is key to building and fortifying our relationship. - Keeps Life Exciting
My partner and I are as opposite as they come. Our disagreements often arise when one of us feels challenged or out of our comfort zone. Although neither of us enjoys stepping outside our preferred ways of doing things, sometimes it’s necessary—and it often makes life feel a bit more vibrant. - Balances Household Dynamics
It’s crucial that one person doesn’t always get their way. If we let that happen, our home would look like a hunting lodge! Sometimes, my approach to discipline is what our kids need; other times, his methods work better. A household can’t thrive on a single set of ideas, and sometimes a bit of conflict is necessary to test our different strategies. - Provides Personal Space
Living with others 24/7 inevitably leads to conflicts. Often, these disagreements create a need for space, which is sometimes exactly what everyone needs. - Encourages Compromise
No matter the scale of the argument, resolution requires us to sit down and hash it out. If we can’t reach an agreement, at least we can agree to disagree and move forward. - Brings Us Closer
Having differing viewpoints allows us to appreciate the roles we play—be it breadwinner, home manager, or caregiver. It’s easy to take each other for granted, and a little conflict can remind us of the hard work we all contribute as a team. - Promotes Diversity
Respecting our differences is essential. My husband and I often see things from completely different angles, enriching our relationship and our individual selves. - Teaches Our Kids to Advocate for Themselves
If something’s not working for them, they need to speak up! If they don’t learn this now, when will they? - Helps Us Maintain Individuality
If you don’t assert your needs, you risk losing your sense of self—even in the smallest of matters, like how to hang toilet paper! Each of our needs is important, and arguments can serve as reminders that we all deserve our preferences to be considered. - Prevents Doormat Syndrome
This “syndrome” occurs when one partner holds back their opinion for fear of conflict. Resentment can build up, and before you know it, a simple request for a shovel in the garden could spark an explosion of pent-up frustrations. Openly communicating your thoughts fosters a healthier dialogue in the future.
As my husband and I continue our journey, we find ourselves arguing less often. We’ve navigated through much of the early confusion, and we’ve both learned what’s truly worth fighting over. We still have our disagreements, and it’s important for our kids to witness how we handle differences and reach compromises.
But let’s be real—I am more tired than he is.
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Summary
Disagreements can play a vital role in strengthening marriages. They foster communication, keep life interesting, help balance household dynamics, and teach valuable lessons to children. By embracing our differences and learning to compromise, we can maintain our individuality while also appreciating the hard work each partner contributes. Ultimately, a little conflict can go a long way in fortifying a loving partnership.