10 Things That Become Nearly Impossible Once You Have Kids

There was a time in my life before kids when I could do practically anything without a second thought. Now that I have three little whirlwinds running around, those days feel like a distant memory. Remember the carefree moments when silence, time, and patience were the norm? Yeah, me too. Here’s a lighthearted look at ten things that are pretty much off-limits once you embark on the wild journey of parenthood. Trust me, I’ve been down this road.

1. Leaving Your Drink Within Reach

Be it a cup of coffee or your beloved glass of wine, if you set it down on the coffee table, you can bet it will end up being a science experiment. Whether it’s a sticky hand or a wayward toy, your drink is doomed. This is particularly sad if it’s the last of the good stuff!

2. Using Hair Removal Cream

If you think you can sneak in some personal grooming while the kids are nearby, think again. The moment you try to apply that cream, someone will inevitably shatter a glass or start a toy fight. And trust me, that cream is not meant for quick escapes — it drips!

3. Making a Phone Call

I once dared to call the pediatrician while my kids were engrossed in a movie. Spoiler: it didn’t go well. After a long wait on hold, I returned to chaos — my kids swinging from the chandelier and asking if they could have pizza for breakfast. “Is this a better time?” the receptionist asked. I think not!

4. Sending an Upset Text

Autocorrect is already a menace, but throw kids into the mix, and you’re asking for trouble. I meant to text, “I’m so mad at you,” but instead sent, “I’m so bad for you.” My husband was utterly confused — not a good look when you’re trying to express frustration.

5. Overcommitting

Ah, the supermom syndrome! We believe we can do it all, but some days we just can’t. There are times when my only goal is to sip coffee and exist. It’s perfectly fine to say no; I’ve learned that the hard way.

6. Experimenting with New Makeup

Trying out a trendy makeup look is a recipe for disaster when you have kids. I once attempted a bold eyebrow look but ended up rushing to the emergency room with one eyebrow perfectly shaped and the other a disaster. My son had a reaction to his medication, and I was a frazzled mess — not my best moment.

7. Taking a Bath Alone

Forget about enjoying a peaceful bath with salts and bubbles. Your kids will storm in like it’s a water park, complete with plastic toys that squirt water right in your face.

8. Enjoying Your Music

I tried to jam out to my favorite band, but my kids turned it into a history lesson, questioning my taste in “old” music. I couldn’t even enjoy the tunes over their incessant chatter.

9. Sneaking a Nap

You might think you can steal a few moments of shut-eye while the kids play quietly. Spoiler alert: you won’t sleep; you’ll just rest your eyes while still being hyper-aware of every little sound.

10. Sneaking Snacks

Ever tried to sneak a treat? The moment you reach for candy or chips, the crinkling of the wrapper sends your kids running. Goodbye, peace and quiet — hello, snack detectives!

Despite the challenges, I know these days are fleeting. Before I know it, my kids will be grown, and I’ll wish for their playful interruptions. For now, I’ll be hiding in the bathroom with my stash of M&M’s.

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Summary

Parenthood changes everything, making once-simple tasks nearly impossible. From sneaking snacks to enjoying a peaceful bath, this humorous list highlights the challenges of life with kids. But amidst the chaos, remember these moments are fleeting, and soon you might just long for the days of joyful interruptions.