Last month, I took my daughter, Emily, to a local driving school for her driver’s education course. The director took one look at my 15-year-old and chuckled, “You look too young to drive! My 12-year-old nephew looks older than you!” He meant it as a joke, but if you’ve got a teenage girl, you know that comments about looking younger than your age are not the best icebreakers. Emily was not amused.
Emily’s youthful appearance became apparent around the time she turned six. As her friends shot up like weeds, she remained petite. While her peers were filling out and sprouting curves, she was left feeling frustrated. “When will I grow, Mom?” she often asks, a mix of annoyance and anger in her voice. I try to reassure her that she’s perfectly fine just the way she is and that she’ll grow when the time is right—but that only seems to irritate her more. I mention the perks of being shorter, but she’s not having any of it. She just wants to look her age and stop being reminded about her youthful appearance.
Yet, there are actually some perks to having a child who is smaller for their age. For instance, they often come across as more skilled and mature than their peers. Take Emily, for example: when she played the violin beautifully at 11, her petite stature made it all the more impressive. We know a family whose tiny 4-year-old, still in size 2T pants, astounds everyone with his articulate thoughts. It’s surprising to see such wisdom come from someone so little!
On the flip side, I’ve seen friends with kids who look older than their actual age face quite a different set of challenges, from constantly outgrowing clothes to the unrealistic expectations placed upon them. People seem to expect more maturity from larger children, leading to judgmental looks toward parents of these early bloomers.
Take my friend Lisa’s daughter, who has towered over her peers since birth. At just three years old, she looked like a 5 or 6-year-old, and we all know how dramatic a typical three-year-old can be! It’s a different story when that behavior is coming from a child who appears to be much older.
Then there’s my buddy Tom, whose six-year-old son is as tall as his mom, and she’s no short stack! He’s not just a bit tall; he’s enormous! He wears clothes designed for 12-year-olds, which means people expect him to act like one too. But in reality, he’s just a little guy in a big body, leading to unfair assumptions from strangers.
And let’s not forget the girls who hit puberty early. I knew a girl who was 10 and already wearing a C-cup bra. The expectations from the public were not just unreasonable; they were downright inappropriate.
I’ve developed a newfound empathy for parents facing similar situations, especially those with developmentally delayed children who deal with various challenges. While having your child’s age misjudged isn’t a colossal life obstacle, it certainly presents its own set of complexities. In a world that’s often critical of children, having a child whose physical appearance doesn’t match their developmental stage can lead to frustrating assumptions and unfair expectations. Not to mention, it gets tiresome to repeatedly explain, “Yes, I know she’s small for her age,” or “No, he’s only 3; he just looks 7.”
It’s essential to remember that children may not be what they appear at first glance, especially when we’re tempted to judge. When a mom brings in a boy who seems to be 9 or 10 into the women’s restroom, he might only be 5. And when you see a child with a pacifier, they may not be as old as they look.
I was reminded of this when I dropped Emily off for her driver’s ed class. You need to be 15 to participate, yet I saw a kid who looked hardly older than 11 walk in and take a seat near her. Emily and I exchanged a wide-eyed glance, and I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pity for the boy. But Emily just smiled at him.
In the end, it’s all part of the journey, and it’s important to embrace the unique challenges and joys that come with our children’s growth.
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Summary
Navigating the world with a child who doesn’t look their age can be a unique challenge. While some children may look younger or older than their peers, each situation comes with its own set of expectations and assumptions from society. It’s important for parents to advocate for their children and remember that appearances can be deceiving.