Why I’m Not Stressing About My Tween’s Lazy Summer Days

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It’s a bright, sunny Wednesday at 11 a.m., and my tween, Emma, is tucked away in her room. I take the dog for a walk, hit the grocery store, and squeeze in some work. Three hours later, still no sign of life from my sixth-grader. I peek in to find her lounging in her pajamas, fixated on her iPad.

“Hey, sweetie,” I call from the doorway.

“Hey, Mom,” she replies, eyes glued to the screen. A mix of unwashed hair and tropical-scented lotion fills the air.

I hesitate for a moment, my instinct pushing me to coax her out of bed, but I hold back. “Just remember to eat,” I say, closing the door quietly behind me.

A few summers ago, this scenario would have sent me into a tailspin. Back when my older daughters were in elementary school, the mere thought of an unstructured summer would have filled me with dread. I pictured dirty laundry piling up, the house in shambles, and remnants of half-eaten sandwiches lurking behind the couch. With the added pressure of knowing their friends were busy at Math Camp or mastering rock climbing at Outdoor Adventure Camp, I’d have never allowed mine to lounge around. I packed them off to day camps, Grandma’s place, and planned outings for every free moment.

From kindergarten to fourth grade, our summer schedules were filled to the brim. They had plenty of energy for action between June and September. If I even suggested a day of doing nothing, they’d initially jump for joy but would quickly revert to a chorus of “I’m bored” in less than two days. My summers turned into a relentless cycle of crafting, amusement parks, and shuttling them to friends’ houses. Not my idea of a good time, especially since they needed more structure back then.

Then came the tween years.

When my eldest, Grace, returned from sleepaway camp and declared she was done with day camps, I panicked. I tried to reason with her, convinced she was succumbing to some sort of sloth-infested conspiracy aimed at ruining her future. She stood firm, and since I couldn’t force her to volunteer or start a lemonade stand, I reluctantly agreed to her doing… well, nothing.

I chuckled to myself, thinking, let’s see how long she can stand it.

The first week played out like my worst fears: she lounged in her pajamas 24/7, skipped showers, binge-watched everything under the sun, and indulged in cereal for every meal. The once-cozy TV room reeked of cheese puffs and teenage neglect. My maternal guilt kicked in hard: Shouldn’t I be steering her toward a new sport, a classic novel, or at least some educational documentaries? Wasn’t it my responsibility to oversee her development every single day?

Week two began much like the first, with screen time and minimal hygiene. Then, something shifted. She asked to go to the pool for some laps, walked the dog without complaint, and even made plans with a friend to grab frozen yogurt. Between her outings, she started picking up books instead of the iPad, created a photo collage, and sorted through old school papers for recycling.

As Emma took more initiative in her leisurely days, my worries began to fade. We both found a nice balance, occasionally crossing paths to enjoy moments like lying on my bed together with our books—something I rarely allowed myself to do. We ran errands, baked treats, and strolled around the neighborhood. While I remained busy with work, she enjoyed her alone time, and without rigid schedules, our days felt less stressful and more enjoyable.

The reality is, we all need a break to recharge. With such hectic school schedules, summer is the only time my kids can truly relax. Allowing my daughter the freedom to simply be inspired me to do the same. In a society that prioritizes productivity over rest, lounging in pajamas and binge-watching for a week or two becomes a small act of rebellion. And I know a certain tween—and her mom—who are all in for this summer revolution.

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In summary, embracing a laid-back summer for my tween has allowed us both to reset and enjoy each other’s company without the pressure of a packed schedule.