I Decided to Be the Dad My Child Needed, Not the One I Was Raised to Be

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Growing up, my father was emotionally distant and rarely engaged with me or my siblings. He didn’t play with us, often came off as cold, grumpy, and impatient, and had grown up with an abusive father himself. His way of coping was to create an emotional fortress around him.

So, when I became a father, I found myself without a solid role model. I faced the challenge of overcoming my emotional baggage and ensuring that my child would have a stable, loving father.

When we operate on autopilot, which I like to call “cruise control,” we tend to react to situations in ways that reflect our upbringing, often without thinking. For instance, when my toddler asked, “Dad, can we play with cars?” my initial reaction was, “Why on earth would I want to sit on the floor and play with little cars?” That was my cruise control talking—my dad’s voice echoing in my head.

But I had made a commitment long ago to be a better dad and partner than my father had been. So instead of letting cruise control take over, I paused to reflect on the type of dad I wanted to be. I asked myself questions like, “What kind of father would I have wanted?” and “What does my son truly deserve?”

What my little guy heard instead was a hearty, “Of course, buddy!” I got down on the floor and grabbed a tiny car. Initially, it felt awkward since I had mostly played alone as a child with a brother who was much older than me. However, the discomfort faded, and I found myself fully engaged in playtime.

My son grew up with the dad I consciously chose to be—not the one I was conditioned to be. I switched from cruise control to manual. Sure, it requires more effort to stop and think before reacting, but many of us don’t have the luxury of growing up in nurturing environments. Our automatic behaviors often arise without reflection, but we can train ourselves to pause and consider who we want to be. Whether it’s as a spouse, parent, or friend, we can respond in ways that make us proud.

This perspective not only applies to parenting but resonates with anyone looking to create a fulfilling life. For more insights on similar topics, check out our other blog posts where we delve into the nuances of home insemination, including resources like this excellent article on pregnancy and home insemination from Medline. If you’re curious about how to navigate this journey, visit CryoBaby for more information on their artificial insemination kits.

In summary, I made a conscious choice to be the father my son needed, breaking free from the patterns of my past. By swapping cruise control for intentionality, I learned that it’s possible to create a loving environment despite our upbringing.