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Embracing ‘Yes’ For Ourselves
As mothers, we often find ourselves uttering the word “no.” No, you can’t have that cookie. No, you’re not borrowing the car tonight. No, I will not leave this closet to confront your brother for taking your beloved ‘Harry Potter’ book. We craft excuses to lounge in our pajamas during frigid winter days, and we decline committee roles because, really, who has time to organize a school carnival? Our partners hear “no” in the bedroom more often than they’d prefer, thanks to our body insecurities or sheer exhaustion. We skip workouts, blaming our children and their chaotic schedules instead.
We say no to keep our kids from climbing too high on the jungle gym and discourage friendships with kids whose parents give us the heebie-jeebies. If you’re an introvert like me, you might decline invitations for playdates, thinking, “Why socialize unless absolutely essential?”
All day, it’s a barrage of no, no, no, no way, and noooooo. It’s no wonder moms have this reputation for being the “no” ladies; we do it all the time.
But what if we dared to say yes—at least half the time? What if we occasionally said yes to ourselves?
When my kids were little, my focus was solely on ensuring everyone made it through the day. I was worn out from midnight feedings, endless playdough sessions, and coaxing my little ones to eat anything other than blueberries. My social life dwindled to sporadic playgroup meet-ups, and I’d go months without applying makeup or wearing anything besides workout gear (which I wasn’t even using). One day, as I walked past a mirror, I was shocked at my reflection.
I didn’t look just tired; I looked like a version of hell! My hair was a disaster, my face was unrecognizable due to dark circles, and my body had ballooned to proportions I didn’t recognize. It was as if I had been saying a massive “NOPE” to myself for ages.
That moment in front of the mirror sparked a change. I realized I needed to embrace saying yes to myself. I began to rethink my “no” responses. No, I won’t get up with the kids on Saturday morning because I’m saying yes to a refreshing jog (okay, let’s be honest—a brisk walk that terrified the neighbors with my heavy breathing). No, I can’t do bath time tonight because I’m saying yes to a spin class with friends. The word “no” still existed in my vocabulary, but it no longer applied to me. By prioritizing myself, I shed 30 pounds of baby weight. Perhaps I should also say no to ice cream more often, but I digress!
I don’t apologize for continuing to say yes to my needs. As women, particularly mothers, we often become the doers, planners, and fixers. Our families depend on us for problem-solving, dinner-making, and hunting down lost soccer cleats. Life is chaotic, and often we can’t even think straight, let alone dream about expanding our careers or chasing new opportunities. Saying no can simplify our lives, but it can also prevent us from seizing opportunities that might truly benefit us.
Why not shift our priorities and start saying yes more often? A friend recently shared that she applied for a new job, one she had been working toward for ages. Initially, she considered saying no because of the logistics and chaos of family life. But she decided to lean in and figure it out later—and she’s glad she did. Plus, she seized the chance to go shopping for new clothes!
Saying yes doesn’t mean neglecting our responsibilities as moms. It’s not about offloading tasks onto our partners or colleagues. It’s a mindset shift, a reminder of our worthiness of achieving our dreams. Saying yes can be challenging, but it’s worth it. Even if my dream today is just enjoying a quiet coffee alone in a café, I deserve it. And while I’m on this journey of embracing yes, I’ll always refuse to listen to Justin Bieber. Because NO.
In summary, it’s time to flip the script on how we view our needs. By prioritizing saying yes to ourselves, we can create more fulfilling lives. Embrace that yes!