Breaking Free from My Mother’s Parenting Playbook

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Reflecting on my childhood, I realize my mom had a plethora of rules—like, a LOT. With three kids running around, she had no choice but to set boundaries to prevent chaos. Now that I’m a mom myself, I’ve established my own guidelines to keep things running smoothly in our household.

While our mothers had the best intentions, many of their rules now seem a bit outdated and, let’s be honest, somewhat ridiculous. Gone are the days when the biggest concern was whether we could wear white after Labor Day. With issues like social media, cyberbullying, and even mass shootings looming over us, today’s parenting requires a fresh approach to tackle the modern challenges our kids face.

Here are a few of the parenting rules I’m opting to change, and I’m confident you’ll recognize echoes of your own mother’s guidelines in my list:

1. Silence on Sex
   In my strict Catholic upbringing, discussing S-E-X was simply off-limits. Sure, I got the awkward birds-and-bees talk, but anything beyond that was a no-go. The idea was to keep our sexual escapades a secret, lest we bring shame upon the family. Honestly, I could probably have used a few confessions along the way—maybe six or so!
   With my own teens, I’m committed to fostering an open and honest dialogue about intimacy. When the time comes, I want them to understand the physical and emotional expectations involved. I’m not looking for a detailed account of their dates, but I’ll always provide straightforward, honest answers. Nothing is off the table, and I can only imagine my mom’s shock if she overheard some of our conversations!
2. Girls Don’t Call Boys
   My mother held the firm belief that good girls never initiated contact with boys. If I wanted to go out, it was the boy’s job to call or ask me in person—no exceptions. This meant that my plans were entirely dictated by boys, which I promptly discarded once I hit college. I want my daughter to feel empowered and confident in making her own choices. She should feel free to ask a boy out if she wants to—her plans are hers to decide. And yes, I promise to keep my cringe reactions to a minimum when girls call my son!
3. Be Nice to Everyone — Always
   In our household, kindness was non-negotiable. We were taught to be polite, even to those who bullied us. My mom’s mantra was to “kill them with kindness,” and I often rolled my eyes in secret. While I do want my kids to be polite, I also want them to stand up for themselves and others when wronged. We won’t change the world with a simple “please,” and I refuse to raise wallflowers. They’ll still say thank you, though—because manners!
4. Wait Until Your Father Gets Home
   My mother was the ultimate referee in our household, putting us in timeout, dishing out spankings when necessary, and even washing mouths out with soap. But when things got really serious, she’d ominously declare, “Wait until your father gets home!” This left us in a state of panic, hiding from the inevitable consequences. I’ve decided that discipline is my responsibility, and I won’t pass it off to my husband. We present a united front, and while I might be the scarier one, he knows better than to threaten the kids with my arrival!

My mother had plenty of wisdom, allowing me to discover my own path as a parent with minimal interference. No mother has all the answers, and I’m sure my daughter will carve out her own style when she becomes a mom. Unfortunately for her, I haven’t quite mastered the art of holding back the “I told you so”s!

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Summary:

This article discusses the evolution of parenting from the author’s mother’s strict rules to a more open and adaptable approach. It highlights the importance of fostering communication about sensitive topics like sex, empowering children to take initiative in relationships, promoting assertiveness alongside kindness, and taking ownership of discipline. The author reflects on the wisdom of her mother while also acknowledging the need for modern parenting strategies.