My PMS Is Totally Legit—Just Ask My Family

The other night, my partner, Jake, and I were out enjoying a rare date night when disaster struck—he got a nosebleed while driving. I noticed his eyes flitting around, and he seemed to stiffen up like a board. I thought, “Oh great, here we go.” “Oh no, oh no! My nose is bleeding!” he exclaimed, pulling into a parking lot. “Can you run inside and grab some toilet paper?” he asked, reclining in his seat and turning off the lights.

“Seriously? We’re like 40 spaces away, and it’s pitch black. Can’t you park any closer?” I shot back.

“No! I don’t want anyone to see me. Hurry up!”

“Try dealing with a monthly flood down there, buddy,” I muttered, slamming the door. PMS was in full swing, and I had zero patience for his drama over a nosebleed.

Do I suffer from severe PMS? Absolutely—just ask my family. They’ll tell you all about it:

I Don’t Share Food.

As parents, we often share our snacks because, let’s face it, everything tastes better from our plates, and we want to keep our kids happy. But my little ones have learned the hard way that when mom’s PMSing, sharing is not on the menu. I inhale treats like I’m preparing for a marathon, swiping candy from their stash and demolishing a bag of chips while standing in line at the store. They’re embarrassed, but I remind them that they used to throw epic tantrums in public, so a little chip munching is nothing to cry about.

I Cry—A Lot.

One sappy commercial plays, and I’m a puddle. My kids share the last cookie? Cue the waterworks. Jake does the laundry? I’m a goner. If a nostalgic ’90s ballad comes on, forget it. We can’t keep enough tissues in the house, and I have a special waterproof mascara reserved for this emotional rollercoaster.

Everyone Drives Me Nuts.

And I mean everyone. No one can do anything right. Look at me sideways, and I’m flipping you off—both hands! Shopping during PMS? Bad idea. If the clothes don’t fit, I’m ready to throw down. If you chew too loudly, may the universe have mercy on you. And don’t even get me started on that show with the annoying kid—Caillou? I’d break that little brat in half.

I Apologize—A Lot.

While I don’t think people should constantly apologize, I’ll admit, during this one week of the month, I can be downright combative. I find myself apologizing to my family, hoping it will atone for my food hoarding, finger-flipping, and chip-gobbling escapades in the grocery store. Mostly, I want to spare them from the chaos when I’m on the edge. But Caillou? No apologies there.

We’ve earned the right to our grumpy moods, our food hoarding, and our emotional breakdowns over commercials. We’re the ones dealing with the monthly turmoil—not that we enjoy it any more than you do.

So, do me a favor: just shut up and rub my feet while I indulge in some ice cream.

Summary:

Navigating PMS can be a wild ride, as Jamie humorously shares her experiences and the impact it has on her family. From not sharing food to emotional breakdowns and apologies, she highlights the relatable struggles many women face during this time. While they may be irritable, it’s essential to understand what they endure each month.