I find myself leaning against the doorframe, peering into my teenage son’s room. With him away at camp for a month, the space is surprisingly neat. The bed is made, and the floor is devoid of the usual chaos of discarded clothes and video game controllers. His phone, typically glued to his hand or stuffed in his pocket, is powered down and resting innocently on the desk.
With my son gone, the temptation to dive into his world is strong. I could fold his wrinkled T-shirts while sneaking a glance for his journal. I could rummage through his backpack, still stuffed with end-of-school-year papers, or even check under his bed for hidden secrets. I could unlock his phone, use the password he shared, and scroll through his digital life. I could. But I don’t.
At 14, my son is making the shift from an open child to a more closed-off young adult. While I’m not thrilled about not knowing every detail of his life, I recognize that this is a normal phase of growing up. As he pulls away, my urge to remain intimately connected to his world is often overwhelming. Yet, his need for privacy is just as intense. It’s a challenge, but I do my best to respect it.
Back when I was a teenager, I spent countless hours in my room, engrossed in books and chatting on the phone. I reveled in the freedom of wandering the mall with friends, exploring without adult supervision. Sneaking around my curfew felt like a rite of passage. Figuring out how to navigate life independently was a skill I was eager to develop.
Today, it seems like privacy is a luxury that’s hard to come by, especially for teens. They transition from a day filled with adult supervision at school to after-school commitments and family demands with barely a breather. In this whirlwind, technology becomes one of the few realms where they can carve out a space away from parental oversight. As an involved parent, I want to engage in my son’s life, but I firmly believe that he deserves a measure of privacy, especially if he hasn’t shown any signs of misusing that freedom.
In our home, physical privacy is paramount. My son usually keeps his door closed, but he’s responsive when I knock (unless, of course, he’s in the middle of something embarrassing). According to Dr. Emily Carter, author of Navigating Teen Life, teens often do the same activities behind closed doors that they would if the door were open. So, I figure he’s probably either watching a documentary on space, reading a graphic novel, or keeping up with his group chat.
I try to avoid prying too deeply into his feelings, as that can create distance between us. When I start asking too many questions, his eyes glaze over, signaling that he’s not in the mood to share. He knows I care, and when he’s ready, he often comes to me. Socially, I stay informed about his friends and their parents, ensuring I can verify hangout details without crossing any boundaries.
The online world is where I find it most challenging to grant him privacy. Just as I can’t control who he meets on his walk to a friend’s house, I can’t monitor everything he encounters on social media. Technically, I could access his accounts since he shares his passwords with me — a rule that applies whenever he downloads a new app. But I choose not to pry. I want him to feel confident in his ability to navigate the digital landscape, to be kind, and to make sound decisions independently. If a situation arises, I want him to trust that I’m here to support him, no matter what. By respecting his online privacy, I aim to foster trust and open communication between us.
I know it’s normal for my teen to crave privacy, but it’s still tough to accept that I don’t know everything about him. In this growing distance, he’s discovering his identity, claiming his experiences, and building confidence with every choice he makes. So far, I’m genuinely impressed with this young adult version of my son, and I look forward to getting to know him better.
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