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I Want to Visit the Hair Salon, Just Me!
Like many moms, I yearn for some quality “me” time. I even used to fantasize about going to the restroom by myself—just to enjoy a moment of solitude. But after years of little ones joining me on the porcelain throne, I’m not sure I can handle a solo bathroom trip anymore. It’s like having my own personal assistant: “Dear, could you please hand me the toilet paper? And a magazine would be lovely! Don’t forget the wet wipes for my poor behind, which has been suffering ever since pregnancy. And for goodness’ sake, let’s not skip the courtesy flush.”
Despite the perks of having a bathroom buddy, there’s one place where I want to fly solo: the hair salon. So sit tight, little sidekick, and let me tell you why.
I want to feel like Cinderella for a day, transformed by my fairy glam-mother into a princess—no butler needed! I crave that heavenly scalp massage during a shampoo that feels a little like something out of Fifty Shades of Grey. I don’t want my blissful moment interrupted by a cool rinse running down my back because my toddler decided to practice her yoga on my lap.
I desire the peace of getting my overdue color and cut without a mini cowgirl bouncing on my knees and waving a sticky lollipop around like it’s a magic wand. I want to hear the energetic beats of techno music blasting from the speakers while I subtly dance under my salon cape, not the annoying theme song from “D-D-D-D-Dora” blasting from my phone. Right now, the only thing I want to hear from Dora is, “Adios Amigos! Time to vamanos without your Mama.”
I want to admire my stylish ombre hair and fabulous look without a 30-pound toddler trying to steal the spotlight. I just want a moment to appreciate my gorgeous reflection without anyone vying for attention. I want to sip on glass after glass of free wine to help me forget about the two hundred bucks I just spent on my hair—without a little one snatching it away and declaring, “Mommy is only allowed one glass of appy juice!”
I crave a day of pampering without worrying about strange noises or inappropriate words coming from my pint-sized echo. I don’t want to hush a little one who’s making embarrassing outbursts while bouncing on my legs.
I want my tiny tot to go home—without me. Call Dad, grab a ride, do whatever it takes! No offense, sweetheart, but I need this afternoon with my stylist. Believe it or not, she’s great company. She never throws tantrums or acts like it’s all about her. Instead, she focuses on me.
My stylist doesn’t call me meanie or poopy-head; she transforms my bad hair day into something fabulous and somehow makes me look ten years younger—far more valuable than any Botox! Even better, she replaces my tired mom-bun with gorgeous curls, giving me five days of carefree happiness, allowing me to whip and nae nae my head like I’m at a club instead of a dance pole. (And yes, Dad thinks I look hot!)
She’s my rent-a-BFF because, let’s be real, I don’t share much in common with my bedwetting, sippy-cup-drinking friends. My stylist laughs at my jokes, tells me I’m beautiful, and reassures me that I’m an amazing mom, which makes her my bestie for life—even if she is a pro at telling white lies. And best of all, she listens to my rants about everything, including why my little one shouldn’t have tagged along today.
So, here’s to dreaming of that fabulous salon day—where I can revel in some well-deserved me-time.
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Summary:
This humorous piece captures the essence of a mom’s desire for a solo trip to the hair salon. Amidst the chaos of parenting, she yearns for a day of pampering, relaxation, and personal attention—away from the demands of little ones. The author cleverly juxtaposes the salon experience with the everyday challenges of motherhood, offering a relatable and entertaining perspective on the need for self-care.