9 Strategies to Help Your Child Handle Anxiety

As the school bus pulls up, your daughter, Sophie, turns to you and says, “I don’t want to ride the bus. My tummy hurts. Please don’t make me go.” You feel a pang in your heart, knowing this familiar struggle is about to unfold. What should be a straightforward morning routine becomes an overwhelming battle.

Looking at Sophie, you can see the fear etched on her face. You want to soothe her worries and alleviate the anxiety that seems to shadow her every step. You start with logic: “Sophie, we chose this bus because the driver has a perfect safety record!” But she remains unconvinced.

You attempt reassurance. “I promise you’ll be fine. Just trust me, okay?” She nods but soon whispers, “Please don’t make me do this.” Frustration mounts, and you finally resort to an ultimatum: “Sophie, you have to get on that bus, or there will be consequences—no screen time this week!” She looks at you as if you’ve asked her to jump into a volcano. Reluctantly, she boards the bus, leaving you feeling guilty and helpless.

If this scenario resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Many parents would go to great lengths to relieve their child’s pain. Parents of anxious kids often feel like they’d move mountains to help. Watching your child fret over situations that don’t appear dangerous can be heartbreaking. However, to your child, these situations feel genuinely threatening, triggering real responses in their nervous system, leading to anxiety.

Having navigated my own struggles with anxiety throughout childhood and into my early adulthood, I understand the burdens it can carry. Alarmingly, anxiety affects approximately 40 million adults in the U.S. and 1 in 8 children. Many kids miss school or social activities due to their worries, and parents often feel helpless when witnessing their child’s daily battles.

While there’s no universal cure for anxiety, numerous evidence-based techniques can help manage it. Many of these strategies are straightforward to learn and implement. I’ve dedicated years to developing ways to teach children coping skills that lead not just to survival, but to finding joy and purpose. Here are nine strategies that parents of anxious children can start using immediately:

1. Stop Reassuring Your Child

Your instinct may be to assure your child that everything will be okay, but that often doesn’t work. Anxious children want to listen but can’t because their brains are overwhelmed with fear. Instead, try the FEEL method:

Freeze: Take deep breaths together.
Empathize: Acknowledge that anxiety is frightening.
Evaluate: Once calm, discuss possible solutions.
Let Go: Release any guilt; you’re equipping your child with valuable tools.

2. Highlight the Positives of Worry

Help your child understand that worrying has a purpose. It’s a survival mechanism that helped our ancestors avoid danger. While today’s worries may not be life-threatening, recognizing that worry is a normal reaction can make it less daunting.

3. Personify Their Worries

Instead of dismissing anxiety, encourage your child to give it a voice. Create a character, like a stuffed animal named Wibbly the Worrier, to represent their fears. This technique can help demystify the anxiety and allow your child to confront it in a playful way.

4. Become a Thought Detective

Teach your child to scrutinize their thoughts. Use the 3Cs method:

Catch: Identify anxious thoughts as they arise.
Collect Evidence: Assess whether these thoughts are based on facts or feelings.
Challenge: Encourage constructive debate about those thoughts.

5. Establish “Worry Time”

Instead of trying to suppress worries, designate a specific time for them. Encourage your child to express their worries during this period, perhaps even writing them down. After the time is over, close the “worry box” and set those concerns aside.

6. Encourage Mindfulness

Anxiety often stems from excessive worrying about the future. Help your child practice mindfulness, focusing on the present moment by concentrating on their breathing. This can ground them and reduce anxiety levels.

7. Avoid Avoidance

If your child wants to dodge situations that cause anxiety, it’s natural to help them avoid those situations. However, this often exacerbates the fear. Use a method called laddering, where you break down the feared situation into smaller, manageable steps.

8. Create a Coping Checklist

Just like pilots rely on checklists during emergencies, your child can benefit from a calming checklist for anxiety. Outline steps they can take when feeling anxious, such as taking deep breaths or counting to ten.

9. Practice Self-Compassion

Watching your child struggle can be excruciating. It’s essential to remember that anxiety arises from various factors, many beyond your control. Embrace self-compassion, recognize you are not to blame, and give yourself grace. You are your child’s greatest supporter.

For more information on coping strategies and resources, check out this excellent guide on family building options at Resolve.

In summary, implementing these techniques can create a supportive environment for your anxious child. By fostering understanding and offering practical tools, you can help them navigate their worries while nurturing their confidence and resilience.