6 Realities of Parenting Older Kids (That Nobody Warns You About)

After years of parenting, I thought I had mastered the art of raising my three daughters. I had set boundaries that kept them safe and emotionally balanced, laid down reasonable expectations, motivated them when necessary, and sprinkled in some flexibility for fun. But then my eldest turned 10, and suddenly, all my expertise felt irrelevant. She rebelled against every one of my once-unchallenged rules, began to ignore my advice, and started favoring her own opinions.

Ouch. The shift from parenting little ones to managing older kids was a curveball I wasn’t prepared for. As they grow, it’s natural for my parenting style to evolve, but that doesn’t make it any easier. It can be tough to embrace their individuality, especially when it clashes with my own views. Yet, it’s also incredible to watch them explore new experiences and make decisions as they carve out their identities.

Now that my eldest is 14, I’ve become more comfortable in my new role as a Consultant rather than a Manager. Here’s what I’ve learned in my journey through parenting older kids:

1. Letting Go of Their Childhood is More Challenging Than You Expect.

The early years are a whirlwind of joy, confusion, and physical demands. You can’t imagine your baby ever doing anything on her own, and then one day, she’s tying her shoes, going on sleepovers, and texting friends. You won’t miss the diapers or early mornings, but you will long for the sweet moments when she called it a “flingo” instead of a “flamingo.” Watching them grow is thrilling, but saying goodbye to their childhood is a bittersweet experience.

2. You’ll Have a Vague Memory of What They Look Like Naked.

Little girls used to run around the house without a stitch on, giggling and playing. Those days are gone. Now, my tween changes behind closed doors and freaks out at the thought of me being nearby while she’s in her underwear. It’s not that I want to scrutinize her—it’s just that I miss the closeness we once had.

3. They Will Test Your Limits Like Never Before.

Toddlers throw tantrums and shout “no!” but you can usually redirect them. Older kids, however, are a different story. My daughters don’t want my fashion advice anymore because “everyone wears ripped shorts,” and they’ll argue their way out of chores with “I have too much homework.” Their newfound autonomy can be infuriating. I try to keep my cool, but deep breaths don’t always do the trick.

4. They Stop Asking So Many Questions.

Young kids ask endless questions like, “Why is the sky blue?” But around age 10, the questions slow down, and they start figuring things out on their own. Eventually, they just stop asking altogether. By the time my oldest turned 13, I wanted her to ask me about important topics like dating and peer pressure, but without those questions, I find myself lecturing her, and she’s left rolling her eyes at her “dorky” mom.

5. They’ll Challenge Your Parenting Confidence.

As kids grow, they start to see us for who we really are—human. After years of being viewed as the all-knowing guru, they begin to realize that we don’t have all the answers. This realization can be overwhelming, but it’s also liberating. I’ve learned to admit when I’m unsure, which ultimately helps me adjust my parenting approach.

6. They Will Surprise You With Who They Are Becoming.

Recently, I caught a glimpse of my older daughter during band practice. She’s the lead singer, and when she hopped on the drums, I was taken aback—I had no idea she was learning! She played with such confidence and joy that I was left in awe. While younger kids amaze us with developmental milestones, older kids impress us by forging their own paths, often in ways we didn’t anticipate.

As my daughters transition into adolescence, I’m re-evaluating what it means to be a parent. Giving them more freedom while maintaining boundaries is an adjustment, but it allows me to appreciate the incredible individuals they’re becoming.

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Summary

Parenting older kids comes with its unique set of challenges and rewards. From letting go of their childhood to embracing their individuality, it requires a shift in strategy and perspective. While it can be difficult to navigate the changes, the journey of watching your children grow into their own selves is a truly beautiful experience.