I often wonder if other parents ever apologize to their kids, but I find myself saying “I’m sorry” to my 4-year-old daughter nearly every day. Why, you ask? Well, because I’m not perfect, and neither is she. When she makes a mistake, I want her first response to be one of accountability and humility.
Here’s the lowdown on my approach:
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Make Mistakes
Mistakes are part of life! My blunders usually stem from misunderstandings or not paying enough attention. Sometimes, it’s a bigger deal, like when I’ve been too preoccupied to really engage with her throughout the day. In those cases, I have to own up to my role in her less-than-stellar day. -
Offer a Genuine Apology
This isn’t about tossing out a casual “sorry” while distracted. It’s about sitting down and having a heart-to-heart. I let her know exactly what I’m apologizing for and why it matters. For instance, I might say, “I’m sorry I didn’t listen when you were talking to me. I should have focused more on you.” This teaches her to reflect on her own behavior and helps her understand the significance of right and wrong. -
Wrap it Up
After the apology, we hug it out and either address the mistake (“Can you tell me what happened again?”) or simply move on if the moment has passed.
This approach has been incredibly effective. My daughter now comes to me when she messes up, ready to express herself honestly and sincerely. We’re not the kind of parents who let her off the hook easily (timeouts have been part of her upbringing!), but she knows she can come to us, own her mistakes, and we’ll have a constructive conversation.
Just this morning, she walked into my office, lip quivering and eyes brimming with tears. Without prompting, she said, “Mommy, I’m sorry.” When I asked why, she admitted, “I spilled my breakfast. I wasn’t supposed to be up and playing, but I did and I spilled it. I’m sorry.” I hugged her, told her it was alright, and reminded her to stay seated while eating. She agreed and went back to finish her meal with her dad.
Now, imagine if two adults were involved in a similar scenario. If one adult spilled food and apologized, would the other offer thoughtful advice or fly off the handle with accusations?
It’s worth noting that my daughter tends to approach me for apologies more than her father. His style is a bit more authoritarian—he’s quick to point out her faults and often reacts with frustration. While I encourage understanding, he tends to blurt out, “I told you so!” when she messes up. This dynamic often leads her to feel more comfortable coming to me when she needs to own up to something.
The way we treat our children shapes their behavior. If you want a kid who can admit to their mistakes and strive for improvement, embody that behavior yourself. Conversely, if you prefer a child who reacts in anger, that’s the example you set.
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In summary, apologizing to your child can foster an environment of accountability and understanding. It paves the way for open communication and teaches valuable lessons about owning up to one’s actions.