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15 Parenting Strategies for Post-Kids Life
As parents, we quickly learn to treasure the seemingly simple aspects of life when chaos reigns — and let’s face it, that’s pretty much every day. The freedom to spontaneously dine out at 7 p.m. has become a distant memory. Now, everything requires a well-thought-out game plan. With kids darting around, even the easiest tasks turn into complicated missions. Here are 15 things that definitely need a strategy after kids:
- Dining Out
Eating out post-kids feels like a military operation. You have to devise a plan to prevent your little angels from transforming the restaurant into a scene from Lord of the Flies while waiting for their mac and cheese. - Running Errands
Errands now require more planning than a NASA launch. - Cooking Dinner
Creating a meal at home is more challenging than managing a hedge fund with just a degree in The Politics of Beyoncé. Those little ones tend to cling to your leg like barnacles, making it hard to focus on dinner prep. - Sipping Coffee
You have two options:- Enjoy it cold, four hours after brewing.
- Chug it hot and risk third-degree burns for a quick caffeine boost.
- Dentist Visits
Figuring out how to survive a dentist appointment with kids is still a mystery. It usually involves me flailing my arms while making caveman sounds that only the hygienist understands. - Working Out
Chasing kids and lugging laundry counts as exercise, so your only strategy is to run fast and hope for the best. - Getting the Oil Changed
What was once a simple Tuesday task now feels like a heart-pounding event that keeps you up at night. The noise at the garage might attract your kids like moths to a flame. - Showering
Nighttime showers when the kids are asleep are blissful. But if you prefer morning showers, expect to bring the whole crew along. - Getting Ready
Getting yourself and the kids ready is like a game of pinball. You bounce from kid to kid, and by the time you’re ready to leave, you’ll have to decide what to skip: teeth brushing, deodorant, or makeup. Your choice! - Grocery Shopping
These days, a shopping list is crucial. Forgetting it during nap time with all the kids in tow might require a few Hail Marys! - Cleaning
Ha! Good luck with that. - Phone Calls
If naptimes are a thing of the past and you don’t have a dog kennel, you’ll have to improvise. The only strategy is to sprint away from your kids when tech support finally picks up. You might sound like a herd of gazelles, but at least you’ll manage a partial conversation! - Clothes Shopping
Popcorn and Slurpees might not stop your kids from commenting on your squishy belly, but they’ll keep them from crawling under dressing room doors. Just be quick about changing! - Hosting Guests
If your kids are anything like mine, they’ll think every visitor is there to see them, even the exterminator. With kids trailing him, you might just get enough time to answer that important tech support call. - Taking a Breather
Remember when sitting down for a moment didn’t summon your kids like some sort of pediatric Bat-Signal? My go-to strategy is to convince them we’re playing a game like “who can sit still the longest.”
In parenting, strategy becomes the name of the game, applicable to every situation you encounter daily. Yes, even sleep requires a plan! Don’t fret; we all adapt quickly, often without realizing it, until guests wonder why our kids are performing a tap dance routine to Dora the Explorer while we sip coffee and chat outside in the dog kennel.
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Summary
Navigating life as a parent requires a strategic approach to even the simplest tasks. From dining out to grocery shopping, every aspect of daily life is transformed into a mission that requires planning and quick thinking. As we adapt to this new normal, we learn to appreciate the little moments, even amidst the chaos.