Dear Kiddo,

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I was enjoying a rare moment of solitude in the bathroom—yes, just trying to pee—when I caught you whispering. You probably thought I was too far away to hear, or maybe you didn’t care, but trust me, I heard you loud and clear when you said, “Mom is about to lose it.” And you know what? I wasn’t sad or guilty; I was just thinking, you bet I am about to lose it.

Let me tell you why.

I’m on the verge of losing my marbles because, despite pleading with you approximately 78 times to pick up your filthy socks from the kitchen counter, those grimy little rags are still right there—smack in the middle of our cooking space! Seriously, who wants to be reminded of your fungus-infested footwear while trying to prepare dinner?

I’m about to lose it because I just sat down in a puddle of pee. Yes, you read that right. Not only do you forget to lift the seat, but you also won’t even wipe it down afterward. I know you see it there. Don’t even try to deny it. Remember that time I walked in on you with your chin on the toilet seat, declaring you were “just watching the bubbles in your pee”? Right, so don’t act innocent now.

I’m about to lose it because I’ve asked you at least 1,267 times to close the door, yet there it stands, wide open. It’s like a welcome mat for every fly and mosquito in the area, and I can almost hear the electric company chuckling at us.

I’m about to lose it because when I say “no,” you seem to think it’s the perfect time for a full-on interrogation with a series of “but why not?” that could rival an opera performance.

I’m about to lose it because you and your sibling have turned tattling into a competitive sport, and your wrestling matches usually end with one of you in tears.

I’m about to lose it because I’ve told you at least 26 times to brush your teeth, comb your hair, make your bed, and—good grief!—put on clean underwear, yet here we are at 2 PM with none of those tasks done.

I’m about to lose it because there’s dog poop in the family room, and a mysterious odor of urine wafting from… somewhere. Is it the couch? The carpet? Am I the one who smells? Honestly, I can’t even tell anymore.

I’m about to lose it because I haven’t had a moment of peace to think, pee, or eat for what feels like a decade.

Now, you might think I’m a bit high-strung, but let’s not forget how many times I’ve managed to keep my cool. Like that time you turned yourself into a walking art project with permanent markers right before dinner. I didn’t lose it then. Or the time you decided the backyard was your personal restroom, even though the actual bathroom was just fifty feet away. Nope, not even then.

And when you started a water balloon fight in the house, I didn’t lose it, despite every fiber of my being wanting to scream, “Have you lost your minds?!”

You see, I’ve held it together through a lot of chaos, even when it would be completely understandable for a mom to snap. But there’s only so much “stop hitting your brother” and “why is there a Shopkin in the dog bowl?” a person can take before their sanity begins to waver.

There’s a limit to how many times I can hear “Mo-om, he won’t stop licking me!” without wanting to shout, “Enough already!”

So yes, I am about to lose it, and that, dear kiddo, is why. Got it? Good. Now how about you pick up those crusty socks, close the door, and brush your teeth? Pretty please?

Because Mama could really use a moment to binge on some candy bars while hiding in the closet to prevent a complete meltdown.

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In Summary

Being a parent is a rollercoaster of emotions, and sometimes, even the most patient among us are pushed to the edge. From forgotten chores to unexpected bathroom adventures, the challenges can pile up quickly. But amidst the chaos, there are always moments of humor and love that remind us why we embrace this wild ride.