Your cart is currently empty!
Is Teaching Chivalry to Our Sons in Conflict with Feminism?
As a young girl, I always imagined raising a daughter who would mirror my own experiences. However, life had other plans, and now I’m surrounded by a lively bunch of boys who, let’s be honest, are nothing like the daughters I envisioned. Their perspectives, shaped by their identities as young men, will undoubtedly differ from my own.
Navigating the challenges of raising boys as a feminist mother is no small feat, but I embrace the opportunity to help shape the next generation of men. As a proud feminist, I’m determined to instill the principles of gender equality in my sons. My time at an all-women’s college, where feminism was championed, has significantly influenced my values and beliefs. I have the chance to raise my boys to advocate for women’s rights, ensuring they grow into men who challenge stereotypes and promote equality rather than perpetuate outdated norms.
However, as my sons approach their teenage years, I find myself pondering a conundrum: how do I reconcile the ideals of feminism with the tradition of chivalry? It seems contradictory to teach them that women are equal while also encouraging them to be the ones who pay for dates, hold doors open, and adopt a “ladies first” approach. Is practicing chivalry incompatible with promoting feminism? Sometimes it feels that way, and it’s a thought that has crossed my mind more frequently since becoming a mother to boys.
I firmly believe that women should have the same opportunities as men and should be compensated fairly for their work. I detest the objectification of women and reject any notion that suggests our worth is tied to gender. Yet, there’s an undeniable charm in the gestures associated with being a gentleman—like pulling out chairs and treating someone special to dinner. I appreciate the reliability of my husband when it comes to tasks that require physical strength, and if you were to ask if I enjoy being “treated like a lady,” my answer would always be a resounding yes. If I were dating, I would definitely prefer a partner who makes me feel cherished through thoughtful acts rather than one who treats our time together as casual as hanging out with friends.
But then I circle back to feminism and equality. It leaves me perplexed. How do I instruct my sons to be gentlemen without crossing the line into patronizing behavior? I want them to respect women as equals while also embracing the niceties of traditional courtship. It’s a delicate balance, and I worry that emphasizing chivalry might undermine the message of equality I strive to impart.
Ultimately, my goal is to teach my sons to be good people—compassionate and respectful individuals who treat everyone kindly, regardless of gender. Holding the door open should be a courtesy extended to anyone, not just women. Paying for a meal should be based on invitation, not obligation. Offering assistance to those in need is a fundamental kindness that knows no gender. I can model how to engage with others thoughtfully, not because they are incapable but because kindness simply makes the world a better place.
I want my sons to be advocates for their female peers, helping to break down barriers, while also not becoming hurt in the process.
If you’re curious about more parenting insights, you might enjoy this post on intracervical insemination or explore resources like Progyny, which offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination. And for those interested in the practical side of things, check out Make A Mom for their comprehensive guide to at-home insemination kits.
Summary:
Balancing chivalry and feminism can be challenging for parents of sons. While teaching boys to respect women as equals, it’s also natural to want them to embody traditional gentlemanly qualities. The key is to instill values of kindness, respect, and equality without compromising the importance of treating everyone well, regardless of gender.