Navigating the tween years with my kids has been an eye-opener, especially when it comes to discipline. The days of threatening to confiscate dessert as a form of punishment are long gone. My tweens have become pros at sneaking snacks when I’m distracted—whether I’m in the shower, scrolling through social media, or checking the mail. They’ve memorized all my hiding spots and can devour cake in record time. And since they can’t drive yet, taking away car privileges isn’t an option either.
We’re all in this awkward in-between stage. As I figure out how to manage my tweens’ attitude, I’ve had to adapt my parenting style to ensure they actually hear me. The classic “or else” no longer carries weight; my kids have caught onto the fact that it often leads to vague consequences because I can’t think of something effective on the fly. Just the other day, I told my 12-year-old, “or else,” and he shot back, “Or else what?” In that instance, “or else” meant losing phone privileges for the day, which motivated him to shape up quickly.
Here are some other creative techniques I’ve developed to get my points across:
- Dress Like Them for Impact.
Why do tweens insist on wearing their pants so low that it seems like they’re strutting around in a diaper? We spent years getting them out of those! To get my son to pull up his pants, I decided to mimic his style, sagging my own pants embarrassingly low while we were at the grocery store. The look on his face was priceless when the manager had to remind me about appropriate attire in public. Lesson learned! - Use Music to Teach Life Lessons.
Pop music has officially replaced the endless loop of Disney songs in our household, thank goodness! Since my kids love it, I want to catch a glimpse of what they’re listening to. While cranking up the tunes in the car, I seize the opportunity to discuss the not-so-great messages in some of their favorite songs. This approach is way more effective than lecturing them outright, and if they push back, I have the power to switch the station to “music from the olden times”—as they call it. If they’re engaged, they get to hear the songs they love. - Investigate Their Phones.
I often feel like a detective trying to pry information from my kids about their day. Gone are the days when they would share everything with me. Now, I have to sneak around their phones, asking about texts or Instagram comments. This tactic gets them talking much faster, almost like I’m digging for buried treasure. - Request Some Space.
I’ve learned that it’s perfectly acceptable to ask my kids to give me some time alone. Instead of hiding in the bathroom with a snack, I can simply tell them to find something else to do for a while. When I do this, they know they’ve pushed my buttons, and they usually retreat without question.
Parenting evolves as kids grow, but our love remains constant, even if our methods change. Rather than dealing with little ones acting out, we now face tweens who can behave like mini adults. As long as I can keep their sass in check creatively, I’m confident we’ll all be just fine.
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Summary:
Parenting tweens requires creativity and adaptability in discipline. Using relatable strategies like dressing in their style, incorporating music for lessons, investigating their phones, and taking time for yourself can help encourage better communication and listening skills.