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Moms: You Might Feel Overlooked, But I See You
It was the night of the Back-to-School event. As a teacher, I was feeling a mix of excitement and nerves. The classroom gradually filled with bright-eyed 4-year-olds and their families. One boy, accompanied by his mother, approached me. She introduced him, saying, “This is Lucas.”
“Great to meet you, Lucas! And who do we have here?” I asked, nodding toward his mom.
He raised an eyebrow and replied, “Just my mom.”
That phrase—“Just my mom”—echoed in my mind long after I tucked my own daughter into bed. “Just my mom.”
As the school year unfolded, I grew fond of Lucas and his classmates. Many of them were lucky enough to have stay-at-home mothers who were actively involved and nurturing. When Mother’s Day approached, I decided we needed to create something special for these devoted moms. I found a cute “About My Mom” questionnaire and sat down with each child to fill it out.
Questionnaire Insights
“What’s your mom’s name?”
“I don’t know.”
“How about what your dad calls her?”
“I don’t know.”
“Where does she work?”
“She doesn’t.”
“What does she do when you’re at school?”
One child replied, “She cleans up my mess.” Another said, “Buys me toys.” Yet another said, “Waits for me.”
“Waits for you? What do you mean?” I asked.
“She drops me off and waits for me to finish school before taking me home.”
“The whole time?” I pressed.
“Yes,” she affirmed.
“I don’t know what she does,” another child chimed in.
“Well, I’m sure she does a lot of things. While you’re here talking to me, what do you think your mom might be up to?”
“I don’t know.”
“What does she enjoy doing for fun?” I asked, feeling the urgency in my voice.
“I don’t know what she likes.”
These conversations were all too common. Out of my entire class, only a handful of kids were able to respond in a way that acknowledged their mothers as real people with their own feelings and needs.
The Dual Role of a Mother
At home, I’m a mom too. In my classroom, I take on the motherly role for 17 children. Sometimes I feel like nothing more than a pair of hands—“Can you open this?” “Will you tie my shoe?” “I need more water!” I strive to remind myself that I’m more than just “their teacher.” During sharing time, I relish the moments when I can share snippets of my life outside the classroom. The surprise on the kids’ faces when they learn I don’t actually live at school is priceless.
We all know that children are inherently self-centered, as laid out by Jean Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. They’re still figuring out the world, so it’s hard to blame them. Yet, hearing their responses made me deeply aware of the daily challenges mothers face. We can often feel undervalued, as if our existence is solely to cater to our kids’ needs. While they may not express it outright, their behavior conveys their perception of us.
The Invisible Labor of Motherhood
A mother’s presence can become so commonplace that it fades into the background. What we do and who we are can become invisible to our children. The hard work of motherhood often goes unrecognized. Nevertheless, we choose to prioritize our children’s emotional needs over our own, often putting our own identities on the back burner.
Love is a sacrifice. Your kids love you and need to see you for who you are. You deserve to be recognized. So, share your interests and passions with them, even if it feels like they’re not paying attention. You matter. You might feel overlooked, but I see you.
Additional Resources
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Summary
This article reflects on the often-overlooked role of mothers, using a teacher’s experiences with her young students to highlight how children’s perceptions can render their mothers invisible. It emphasizes the importance of mothers sharing their identities with their children, asserting that their love and sacrifices deserve recognition.