After welcoming our third little one into the world, my eldest child became acutely aware of my evolving figure. He pointed out changes in my body that he hadn’t before. Upon seeing my postpartum belly, with its extra softness and not-so-taut skin, he would gleefully exclaim, “Mom! Your belly is like a flat tire!” or “Your belly looks like a deflated balloon!” As we cuddled on the couch, he squeezed my arm and chirped, “Mom, your arm is so squishy! Soooo squishy and soft. How squishy is my arm?” squeezes his own arm “Mine isn’t as squishy as yours!”
When he wrapped his arms around me for a goodnight hug, he’d say, “Mommy, your belly feels so soft and cozy. It’s like a snuggly pillow. I love how warm and soft it is.” It dawned on me how crucial my reactions to his comments are. They hold the power to shape his understanding of women’s bodies and potentially impact his own self-image.
What would it imply if I responded with hurt, fear, or even anger at his innocent observations? If I were to say, “It’s unkind to say my tummy is like a flat tire. Don’t say things like that! It’s hurtful!” I would be signaling that my body’s appearance is something to be ashamed of.
On the other hand, if I shut him down with, “You shouldn’t comment on a woman’s body. Keep those thoughts to yourself,” I may be giving him the impression that there’s something shameful about how bodies look, which would stifle any further curiosity he has about the human form. We need that open channel of communication between parent and child.
What if I replied with, “I know… but my tummy will shrink soon! I’ll be dieting and exercising to lose the weight”? That just sends the message that a larger body is undesirable.
So, what am I telling him instead? I share the incredible story of how my body utilized food to create and nurture life during pregnancy. I explain how it retains some nutrients to help me nourish our growing baby after birth. I discuss how my womb needs time to revert to its pre-pregnancy size and shape and how my pelvis expanded to accommodate our little one. Throughout this, I ensure my nonverbal cues are positive; I want my son to feel secure in our dialogue.
I also tell him that I exercise to keep my body strong and healthy. I explain that I choose foods that nourish me, providing energy and wellness. I emphasize that I dress in ways that make me feel confident and beautiful.
While I may not be changing the world by discussing my postpartum body with my son, perhaps I’m influencing the future in small but meaningful ways.
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Summary
Open conversations about postpartum bodies with children can shape their understanding of self-image and body positivity. Sharing personal experiences and insights fosters a healthy dialogue, allowing them to appreciate the beauty of growth and change without shame.