A Letter to Jim Carter from an Adoptive Mom

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Hey Jim,

I get it; you’re having a rough week.

The other night, I was cozied up on my couch with my 7-year-old daughter, sipping some hot tea and enjoying the incredible performances of our Olympic athletes, especially Ava Johnson. We intentionally tuned in to watch her — she’s an adoptee, just like my little girl. And she’s also a strong black girl, which is something my daughter can relate to. Watching Ava shine on that gymnastics floor and seeing my daughter’s face light up with pure joy? That was everything.

But then you decided to chime in. As the camera panned to Ava’s family, you casually remarked that the people she calls mom and dad are actually her grandparents.

Here’s a little insight for you: those are her mom and dad. It’s that simple.

And when folks in the adoption community, like myself, called you out on Twitter (we like to call that a clapback), your response was to keep going on and on. It wasn’t until your employer stepped in that you finally deleted the tweet and issued an apology.

I suspect you did it to cover your own behind, but it seems you might not fully grasp why so many of us in the adoption community are frustrated right now. Let me break it down for you.

I’m a mom through adoption, but I’m not just an “adoptive” mom. Adoption is a legal declaration that made me my children’s mother, and it doesn’t define my entire existence as a parent.

I’m a mom through adoption, but I’m not a fake mom. Everything I do is genuine. I don’t clean imaginary messes. I don’t pretend to care for my children. I don’t fake cuddle them or read bedtime stories.

I’m a mom through adoption, but I’m not playing pretend. I don’t pretend to be concerned about their health or well-being. I don’t fake comfort for nightmares or feign praise for their achievements.

I’m a mom through adoption, but I’m not their only mom. I recognize that I’m part of a larger tapestry of love in their lives. My children are free to express their feelings about their adoptions without feeling torn between their biological parents and me.

I’m a mom through adoption, but I refuse to be an irrelevant mom. Every moment I spend with my kids, cheering them on and celebrating their accomplishments, matters. I may not always get it right, but I try my best, just like every other parent.

I’m a proud mom through adoption to three amazing kids who bring joy and laughter into my life. Regardless of how they choose to refer to me or their biological parents, I embrace it all. I’ve taught my kids that people like you, who struggle to accept that adoption creates real families, limit their own understanding of love and connection.

Your narrow view won’t define us.

That little girl snuggled next to me? She’s my daughter. Not my “adopted” daughter. Not my “sort of” daughter. She’s my daughter.

I’m her mom—no qualifications needed.

So, next time you find yourself in the spotlight, narrating a monumental event, I hope you’ll remember to show respect for the incredible young people representing our country and the real families cheering them on from the stands.

Here’s a piece of unsolicited advice: Stay in your lane. Don’t take shots at Ava Johnson and her family. And if you can’t say something nice, maybe it’s best to keep your opinions to yourself, especially on social media.

You’re welcome.

If you want to learn more about adoption and parenting, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. You can also find helpful insights on couples’ fertility journeys at this great site.

In summary, the author expresses frustration with a commentator’s remarks about adoption during the Olympics, emphasizing the authenticity of adoptive relationships and the importance of respecting all parents. The letter aims to educate the reader about the realities of adoption while promoting understanding and acceptance.