At this moment, my house is blissfully quiet. I find myself by the window while my kids play outside, trying to gather my scattered thoughts. Suddenly, I hear one of them wailing, but I don’t rush to intervene; I can see it’s just a typical sibling spat, and my youngest is already moving on.
These fleeting moments of tranquility come in short bursts—five minutes here, maybe fifteen there—amid the constant requests for snacks or the latest scraped knee that needs tending. When I take a moment to reflect, I realize that these peaceful intervals actually pop up more often than I acknowledge. Yet, they feel like mere blips in the chaos of motherhood, hardly enough time to make any real progress on my never-ending to-do list.
When the calm does arrive, my mind, however, is anything but serene. I find myself wiping down counters while mentally ticking off chores. Once I finish the kitchen, I’ll tackle the laundry, then grab a snack. Swim lessons start next week; I must pick up some sunscreen. What’s for dinner tonight? Have I enrolled Max in those dance classes yet? I can already sense Lucy is going to come in any minute, whining about being bored. Have I spent enough quality time with Ethan this week? Summer is speeding by, and I could really use a nap. Wait, what’s that sticky stuff on the cabinet? I really should teach these kids to clean up after themselves. Did I ever get around to making that call about the life insurance?
This endless cycle of worries, emotions, and tasks never truly pauses. Those rare quiet moments are merely brief interruptions in the relentless chatter of my mind, which is constantly juggling the needs of my family and my own mental checklist.
I often hear people express that women lose themselves in motherhood, while others assert that they’re still present. I can empathize with both sides. I’m aware that I’m still here—deep down, beyond the swirling thoughts that keep me on track to navigate the busy days that often feel like weeks. Yet, I struggle to find a moment of silence to think thoughts that aren’t intertwined with my family’s needs.
When I say I’ve lost myself to motherhood, I don’t mean I’ve forgotten how to think independently. It’s more that there’s little room in my mind for my own thoughts amid the ceaseless chores that help keep our family afloat.
Reflecting on my life before kids, I can’t recall what it was like to act spontaneously or to plan my day without considering the impact on a soccer game or my children’s school activities. That’s where I feel lost; the carefree moments have been replaced by an ever-present dialogue urging me to check off another task or to teach a child something essential, like independence.
The swirling thoughts in my head aren’t entirely negative; they resemble a survival mechanism. Some days, it feels as if my life and the lives of my loved ones depend on it. While it may not be as dramatic as hunting for the toddler’s favorite lost toy, it feels all-consuming nonetheless.
So when mothers feel like they’ve lost themselves, it often comes down to needing just a minute of quiet to reconnect with who they are. Instead, guilt often creeps in, telling us we should be productive while the kids are entertained, or we find ourselves staring blankly out the window, grateful for a moment without conflict, just wanting to sit in peace.
Where we once might have read a book during quiet moments, now we crave simply staring into space. It takes us longer to shift gears and create something or reconnect with old friends, or even recognize that we have needs too. Those pieces of our identity haven’t vanished; they’re just buried under the daily demands of caring for everyone else.
That’s why you often see women wandering aimlessly through the aisles of Target, captivated by the pretty things. For a few moments, it feels like a luxury to indulge in mindlessness. We’re not empty shells; we’re still as artistic, creative, spontaneous, and talented as we ever were. It just takes a little more time to quiet our minds and reconnect with our true selves.
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In summary, motherhood is a journey filled with beautiful chaos, challenges, and the occasional moments of silence that remind us of who we are. While it might feel like we’ve lost ourselves in the daily grind, the truth is we’re still here—just navigating a new normal.