Many of us have experienced that sudden urge to expand our family, even when we know deep down that we should probably focus on managing the little whirlwinds we already have wreaking havoc at home. I’ve witnessed plenty of amusing and sometimes bewildering situations unfold as people grapple with their desire to reproduce. That quirky cat lady we all know? She likely started off wanting just one more feline friend. And don’t get me started on those featured on Hoarders—every one of them probably just thought they needed one more phone book before things spiraled out of control.
So, when you’re convinced that your family is complete but suddenly feel that overwhelming urge to add another tiny human to the mix, here are some do’s and don’ts to consider:
Do pick up a sport or some form of exercise.
This will help you channel all that pent-up reproductive energy, and when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the gym mirror, you’ll be reminded of the toll those previous kids took on your sanity.
Don’t start acquiring puppies.
We all know who you are! Sure, they’re adorable, but remember: dogs don’t even like hugs. Spare yourself the expense and the forever-messy yard, and resist the urge to go on a pet-spree.
Do experience a bout of food poisoning.
It’s a fantastic way to relive the not-so-glamorous moments of pregnancy nausea and general discomfort.
Don’t hold newborns.
Seriously, keep your distance! Those little bundles of cuteness might trick you into thinking you want one, but just remember—they’ll eventually morph into toddlers.
Do wake up every hour on the hour.
And for added authenticity, clamp down on your nipples for a good half-hour. Trust me, it’s just as fun as it sounds.
Don’t gaze at your children’s baby photos with rose-colored glasses.
They may seem picture-perfect, but your body knows the truth: that adorable little one will one day be shoving marbles up their nose just as you’re about to leave for a well-deserved vacation.
Do look at your own postpartum pictures.
Especially that gem from three days after giving birth, where you resemble Jabba the Hutt and are still in a diaper for all the… “surprises” that come with childbirth.
Don’t envision your youngest as the ultimate big sibling.
Let’s be real—they’re going to pinch that baby and probably demand you return them to the “baby store” daily for at least a year.
Do invite very pregnant friends over.
They’ll help keep your baby fever at bay with tales of their own pregnancy woes.
Don’t convince yourself that you aren’t “complete.”
You are complete! Adding another child only increases the likelihood of producing a mini-version of crazy Uncle Bob.
Do take a hard look at your finances.
Then imagine subtracting $304,480, which is the estimated cost of raising a child until they’re eighteen. Yikes!
Don’t dwell on the “what-ifs.”
Focus on the delightful chaos you’ve already created and remind yourself of how fortunate you are.
Do jot down your life goals.
Consider how much a new baby would impact your current aspirations. If it’s not a big deal, then maybe it’s time to evaluate those goals more closely.
Don’t sugarcoat the life changes another child would bring.
Sure, some might say, “Another kid is just another body in the bathtub!” But let’s be honest: remember that one time you woke up with poop in your hair? Yeah, exactly.
So, if you are absolutely certain you want another little one, go for it. But if you’re just feeling the effects of baby fever while your true self knows you’re done with the whole baby schlep, keep this list handy. And maybe invest in some vise grips while you’re at it!
For more insights on family planning and home insemination, check out our other blog posts, such as those on terms and conditions and resources for pregnancy. And if you’re interested in home insemination kits, Cryobaby has some great options.
Summary:
Feeling the urge to expand your family despite knowing you might not be ready? This humorous guide offers a list of do’s and don’ts to help you navigate those moments of baby fever, from finding healthy distractions to confronting the realities of parenting.