When Mom Friends Don’t Click: Navigating Awkward Social Dynamics

We’ve all encountered that one acquaintance who makes our skin crawl. Perhaps she’s overly loud, perpetually wrapped up in her own drama, or has a knack for backhanded compliments. Maybe her parenting choices make you want to drown your sorrows in a glass of wine when she strolls into the room.

If you’ve been part of the mom community long enough, you’ve likely crossed paths with someone you simply can’t tolerate. Even worse, she might be buddies with one of your close friends, leaving you stuck with forced smiles and awkward small talk at gatherings. It’s a classic “first world problem,” but it’s frustrating when a friendship feels threatened over someone who makes you want to pull your hair out. Dealing with friendship drama is never enjoyable, and it can feel as juvenile as high school all over again.

So, what’s the best approach when your good friend hangs out with someone who rubs you the wrong way? Honesty can be a tricky terrain; you want to strengthen your bond without coming off as jealous or petty. If you find yourself in a mom’s night out situation reminiscent of your teenage years, here are some strategies that might help.

1. Keep in Mind That Your Friend Chose You

Friendship isn’t a race, and there’s no trophy for who has the most pals. Your friend sees something special in you that brings her joy. Whether it’s your ability to make her laugh or your knack for showing up with wine on tough days, remember that she values your friendship. Her connection with the new friend may be based on something personal that you aren’t privy to. Trust her judgment and give the new gal a chance.

2. Refrain from Bad-Mouthing the Other Friend

A new addition to the mom squad can feel like a shiny new toy. At first, she might seem to fit in, but over time you might see her true colors. While it’s tempting to voice your disdain, trash talking will only reflect poorly on you. If you’ve picked your friends wisely, the new friendship may fizzle out on its own.

3. Exit Gracefully for the Sake of Your Friendship

I once found myself in a situation where a mutual friend, let’s call her Melissa, clearly disliked me. The tension was palpable, and I realized that my presence was causing my host—my good friend—stress. So, I made an excuse and left early. It wasn’t about letting the mean girl win; it was about prioritizing my friend’s comfort.

4. Stick to the Facts When Expressing Your Feelings

Moms can be a bit catty, and emotions often cloud our judgment. Before confronting your friend about your feelings, reflect on why the new friendship bothers you. Is it her behavior that concerns you? Have you experienced her negativity firsthand? Or are you simply feeling neglected? Whatever your reason, be clear and stick to the facts when you talk to your friend. Use “I feel” statements to soften the blow and emphasize how much you value her. Be prepared—she might choose her other friend over you.

5. It’s Not You, It’s Them

If you’re on the receiving end of rudeness from your friend’s friend, consider where it’s coming from. Have you been friends with your mutual buddy for a while? Maybe the new friend feels excluded from your inside jokes. Understand her perspective; she could be feeling insecure or intimidated. Regardless, as long as you’ve put in the effort to be kind, you can rest assured that you’re a good friend to those who matter most. Don’t let the sourness of one person spoil the sweetness of your friendships.

In most situations, there’s enough of your friend to go around, so there’s no need for drama. While we’re not kids anymore, sometimes it helps to mutter that age-old wisdom: “I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”

For more insights on navigating the world of motherhood, check out our other blog posts. And if you’re exploring options for home insemination, consider visiting Make A Mom for authoritative advice, or NICHD for excellent resources on pregnancy.

In summary, navigating social dynamics with mom friends can be tricky. By remembering that friendship isn’t a competition, refraining from gossip, and prioritizing your friend’s feelings, you can maintain your bond even in the face of discomfort.