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The Benefits of Giving a Mom Some Touch-Free Time
A while back, I penned an article titled “Why Moms Sometimes Need a Break from Touch.” In it, I explored how my partner, Sarah, occasionally feels “touched out.” At the time, we had three little ones (8, 5, and a spirited 11-month-old), who seemed to cling to her like she was a human jungle gym. By the end of the day, all she craved was some solitude without tiny hands tugging at her clothes or climbing onto her lap.
This created a bit of a dilemma. After a long day, I often wanted to share a hug or a kiss with Sarah. And while that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m looking for anything more intimate, in my 20s, I might have thought differently. Now, in my 30s, I simply relish those moments of connection.
Initially, I was perplexed when Sarah would pull away after a long day of parenting. I mean, I’m the guy she loves, right? We’ve been together for over a decade — shouldn’t I be the one person she feels completely comfortable with? I often found myself wondering if her reluctance to be touched was a sign that our love was fading. Friends going through tough times often say things like, “We just fell out of love,” leaving me to question what that even looks like.
Then one day, Sarah finally explained, “It’s not you. I love you and the kids, but when they’re all sick and I can’t move without one of them clinging to me, it’s overwhelming. I just spent all day with a baby attached to my leg, and I need a breather.” She sighed and continued, “After a long day, I just want some time without being touched. It’s not about you; it’s about needing to decompress.”
That conversation was an eye-opener for me. I had never experienced sensory overload like that. While I enjoyed being with the kids, I didn’t truly grasp how exhausting it could be for her to have little ones constantly needing her.
In the months that followed, I had my share of moments when I’d come home and instinctively reach out for a hug only to find her retreating. My first reaction was to take it personally, but I soon learned to pause and remember our earlier discussion. I realized that sometimes she needed that touch-free moment to reset.
This experience made me appreciate the age-old saying about men being from Mars and women from Venus. Understanding each other requires open communication about needs and feelings. In this case, the compromise is recognizing that sometimes a mom simply needs space.
Honestly, I can’t say I fully understand what it’s like to feel touched out. I briefly tried being a stay-at-home dad, and while my kids loved to cling to me, I never felt overwhelmed in the same way. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t empathize and strive to support Sarah during those moments when she needs a break.
I’ve made a conscious effort to give her room when she needs it and to gently steer the kids away when they’re all over her. My love language is touch, and I find comfort and connection in Sarah’s embrace, which makes it tough when I can’t always reach out to her. It’s not about being clingy, but rather enjoying those brief moments of closeness after a challenging day.
What I’ve found, though, is that by allowing her the space she needs, she often finds her way back to me. Those moments of reconnection remind me of how things were before kids, which is a wonderful feeling. While traditionally men are expected to initiate contact, there’s something nice about being on the receiving end of those gestures. It turns out our relationship wasn’t fading; it was simply the stress of parenting that required a little adjustment. Sometimes all it takes is a short break for her to rediscover her equilibrium.
For more insights on navigating parenting and intimacy, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy. And if you’re interested in home insemination, you can learn more at Make A Mom.
Summary:
Giving mothers some touch-free time can make a significant difference in their emotional well-being. Understanding their need for space after a long day of parenting helps strengthen relationships and maintains intimacy. Open communication about needs is essential for both partners.