18 Insights Gained from 18 Years of Matrimony

home insemination Kit

As my partner Jordan and I approach our 18th wedding anniversary, I’ve gathered a few nuggets of wisdom about marriage that I believe could benefit others navigating the labyrinth of long-term love. While these reflections may not be universal truths, they resonate with our journey.

1. We’re not each other’s missing puzzle pieces.
   The iconic line from Jerry Maguire once tugged at my heartstrings, but now it sounds a bit off. A healthy relationship thrives when both partners are whole individuals, continuously working on becoming their best selves. Jordan and I complement each other, not complete each other.
2. Find humor in the quirks.
   Nobody’s perfect, and living together means encountering a plethora of little annoyances. When we view each other’s idiosyncrasies as comical rather than bothersome, they transform into endearing traits. Like Jordan’s odd habit of leaving tiny food remnants on the cutting board—now, we joke it’s his tribute to the culinary gods.
3. Nitpicking is for lice.
   Did you ever pause to think that “nitpicking” relates to lice? Well, it does! Constantly finding fault and nagging over trivial matters isn’t worth the energy. Refer back to point #2 for a reminder.
4. Understanding love languages matters.
   Jordan and I aren’t big on gift-giving, so we skip birthday presents altogether. He knows that to express his love, a kind word or tidying up the kitchen speaks volumes. For me, a cozy snuggle or a walk together is my way of showing affection. Recognizing our love languages has been a game changer.
5. Physical intimacy can smooth over minor bumps.
   While bedroom activities won’t save a sinking ship of a marriage, they can certainly patch up some small leaks. Each couple’s sex life is unique, but a satisfying physical connection tends to dissolve many minor annoyances. Parenting can complicate this, yet finding time for intimacy is crucial.
6. Kids complicate things.
   As delightful as parenthood is, it undoubtedly adds layers of complexity to marriage. Time, energy, finances, and identities all shift dramatically once children arrive. Anyone thinking a baby will magically repair a rocky relationship is in for a surprise.
7. A deep conversation followed by a good night’s rest works wonders.
   The old saying of “never go to bed angry” doesn’t resonate with me. I tend to be cranky when tired. What bothers me at 10:30 p.m. often pales in comparison by morning. If we talk it out and I’m still feeling off, I trust that sleep will restore my perspective.
8. Diverse approaches can coexist.
   After 18 years, Jordan and I still can’t agree on the optimal way to fold laundry, and that’s perfectly okay. His t-shirt folding technique remains a mystery to me, but hey, that’s life!
9. Shared tastes in music and movies are a hidden gem.
   There’s something special about enjoying similar songs and films together. While some couples thrive on opposites, I cherish our shared interests.
10. Common core beliefs matter more than you think.
    When raising children, being aligned in faith and values simplifies parenting. I’ve witnessed marriages struggle when fundamental beliefs clash, turning shared parenting into a battleground.
11. Small gestures have a big impact.
    Every morning, Jordan makes me a latte and brings it to me in bed. This simple act makes me feel cherished right from the start of the day. Little thoughtful gestures, like back rubs or doing chores, really sweeten our marriage.
12. Laughter is essential.
    I’d argue that sharing laughs can be more bonding than intimacy. The joy I feel when Jordan laughs until he cries is unbeatable—absolutely the best!
13. Dreaming of the future is exciting.
    While I treasure our family life, I also look forward to the days when the kids are off on their own. Planning our adventures for those empty-nest years together is a good sign that we’re excited about what’s to come.
14. Love evolves.
    The initial spark of a relationship transforms into a steady flame over time. Many confuse the fading fireworks for a sign of trouble, but the enduring warmth of long-term love can be incredibly intense, just different.
15. Marriage is about compromise.
    The essence of a successful partnership lies in the willingness to give. Jordan and I are generally easygoing, but we recognized early on that selfishness can creep in if we’re not careful.
16. Love is a daily choice.
    Each day presents a chance to either cultivate our relationship or let it slide. Life can get overwhelming, but the mindset of choosing love daily makes all the difference.
17. Time flies when you’re enjoying life.
    These 18 years have been a whirlwind of laughter, family, and unforgettable moments. Sometimes it feels like we’ve been married forever, yet I can’t believe how quickly the time has passed. I cherish the journey, bumps and all.
18. What works for us might not work for others.
    Every relationship is unique. Some of our marriage’s success stems from our easygoing nature, some from hard work, and some from sheer luck. However, we certainly don’t hold the secret to a happy marriage—that’s a personal discovery for each couple.

Here’s to everyone on their own journey of love, learning, and letting go of the small stuff. For more insights, you can check out some of our other blog posts, like this one on home insemination.

In summary, marriage is a beautiful adventure filled with laughter, compromise, and a deep understanding of one another. As we continue to grow together, embracing the complexities of life, we hope to inspire others to navigate their own journeys with grace and humor.