5 Strategies for Raising a Daughter Who Speaks Her Mind

Not long ago, I got a call from my daughter’s math teacher expressing concern that my usually brilliant and enthusiastic daughter was struggling in class. The teacher noticed she seemed teary and withdrawn, particularly when faced with challenging problems. After our chat, I learned that my daughter felt too intimidated to admit she didn’t understand. Instead of asking for help, she chose to sit quietly and cry, saying, “Mom, I just can’t be as strong as you. I don’t know how to ask for help like you do.”

In that moment, I realized I had assumed my daughter would naturally inherit my outspoken nature. I understood that speaking up is a skill that needs to be nurtured, and it was time for me to help her find her voice. I want her to be assertive and clear about her needs without being rude. Just as I taught her how to ride a bike and tie her shoes, I’m committed to teaching her how to embrace her inner strength. Here’s how I plan to do it:

1. Encourage Her to Ditch the “I’m Sorry.”

Of course, I don’t mean that she should stop apologizing when she genuinely hurts someone. However, I want her to avoid phrases like “I’m sorry, but…” or “Sorry to bother you…” These phrases undermine her confidence. I want her to understand that her opinions matter and that women should feel empowered to engage in conversations without feeling the need to apologize for their presence.

2. Teach Her to Question Authority.

If my daughter feels wronged—whether it’s on the playground or in the classroom—I want her to speak up and advocate for herself, even if that means confronting an adult. By learning to voice her frustrations early on, she will become a woman who can confidently negotiate for a raise or argue for a promotion later in life.

3. Instill That She Doesn’t Owe Anyone a Smile.

When my daughter walks through life feeling confident, I want her to know she’s not obligated to smile at every stranger or respond to unsolicited comments. She owns her body, and how she chooses to react is her decision. It’s okay for her to have off days when she feels angry or upset; she doesn’t need to fake a smile to appease anyone else.

4. Empower Her to Not Go Quietly.

Once, when a strange man approached her during a neighborhood walk, her instinct was to be polite, even though her gut told her something was off. We’ve since practiced how to assertively tell someone to leave her alone and developed phrases she can yell if she feels threatened. This training helps her tap into a strong voice that she can use to protect herself.

5. Help Her Find Her Tribe.

Recently, I took my daughter to a Harry Potter book release event. When she saw others dressed like her, she exclaimed, “These are my people!” I want her to always recognize who supports and uplifts her. Life is too short to waste time with anyone who doesn’t enrich her experience. Once she identifies her tribe, I hope she clings to those relationships tightly.

Not long after she admitted her struggles in math class, my daughter burst into the kitchen, proudly holding a perfect score on her test. As I hugged her, my heart swelled when she declared, “I’m going to speak up more often, Mom! It feels amazing!”

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Summary:

Raising a daughter who confidently speaks her mind requires intentionality in teaching her to assert her opinions, question authority, and embrace her identity. By encouraging her to shed unnecessary apologies, assert her boundaries, and find her supportive community, you can help her grow into a strong, vocal woman ready to face the world.