In theory, my child has two parents responsible for her education. In reality, it often feels like it’s just me, her mother. But this year, I’m determined to change that narrative. It’s time for the school to acknowledge that her father not only exists but can also volunteer, receive updates, and be encouraged to join the PTA.
Before the school year kicked off, the welcome emails and teacher introductions flooded my inbox. Not this time, I thought. I’m going to make my intentions known. So, I crafted a straightforward message.
Dear Ms. Johnson,
We are excited about the upcoming school year. Please add my child’s father to your email list for all communications. It’s crucial for our family that he stays informed about school activities.
Best,
Jamie
Clicking “send” felt liberating. This year, there would be no special treatment for my partner when he showed up at school events. No more over-the-top greetings from teachers thrilled to see a D-A-D in the building. My little act of defiance sent a message: I’m not the only one steering the ship in the Smith household.
The assumption that I alone bear the responsibility for our daughter’s academic success is frustrating for both of us. Whenever I’m around, my partner seems to fade into the background. The cheers for dads quickly dissolve after the introductions, leaving him a quiet participant. If he does manage to speak up, suddenly he’s a rock star, and everyone hangs on his every word. It’s enough to make me roll my eyes at the outdated gender dynamics at play during parent-teacher meetings. I can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy; fathers seem to get away with so much less than mothers do. While I’m held to high standards, dads only have to show up.
Today’s fathers are involved in countless ways—stay-at-home dads, PTA volunteers, diaper-changers, and even dads who blog about their experiences. They teach their daughters to skateboard and guide their sons through sewing projects. The stereotypical absent father is becoming a relic of the past.
As someone raised by my father after my parents divorced, I know firsthand the impact of an engaged dad. He was the one attending parent-teacher conferences, cooking dinner, coaching my sports teams, and signing report cards. For me, having an active father was the norm. Dads should receive as much recognition as mothers, which in my case means none at all.
This is precisely why I sent that email. I want my daughter’s school to consider me an afterthought, just like they do her father. What if the school treated me like a dad? It would be a dream come true—no expectations, just stroll in feeling fabulous and bask in the glory of being an “occasional” parent. He would handle the questions, while I could nod along, only speaking up when necessary.
But alas, that’s just wishful thinking. Instead of lowering expectations, we need to elevate them. My partner deserves to receive school communications and be recognized as the involved parent he is. We’re not just co-parents—we’re both fully engaged parents. When asked to volunteer, I’ll share his email. And if the principal looks to me for PTA leadership, I’ll redirect them to him.
In fact, the last time I did that, another dad jumped in and announced, “We’re meeting next week at the same time, same place,” as parents filed out. I thought, great job, buddy!
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In summary, it’s time for schools to recognize that fathers are equally important in their children’s education. By ensuring both parents are engaged, we can break away from outdated stereotypes and create a more balanced environment for our kids.