As we prepare to send our 18-year-old son, Jake, off to college this week, I find myself surrounded by a small mountain of items labeled “Don’t Forget!” This is a stark reminder that I have just a few days left to wrap up the loose ends of parenting before you embark on your journey into what they call the real world.
1. After we cover your tuition, you’ll be rolling in dough compared to us.
I’m so relieved we had our “money chat” today. When you asked how you’d manage your finances in college, your astonished face was priceless. Just to clear things up, we’re taking care of your tuition, books, housing, and a meal plan that offers more calories than our entire family consumed in your first month of life. Honestly, I’m not sure what else you think you’ll need. I remember all those graduation checks that came your way last May, so I know you’ve got more cash stashed in your account than I do. So, do me a favor—use it!
When you grumbled about spending your precious cash on necessities like shampoo, I caught a glimpse of your father’s frugality in you. He’s notorious for hoarding those tiny hotel shampoo bottles on his business trips. Got any work trips lined up? I didn’t think so! Just buy yourself some shampoo, please. And hey, when your Grandmothers ask how you spent that graduation money, telling them “suds” isn’t really a fib.
2. Laundry is a skill anyone can master.
People have warned me that I’ve done you a disservice by handling your laundry all these years. But I didn’t mind doing it while you excelled in sports and academics. When friends fretted about your laundry skills before college, I assured them I could teach any simpleton in just five minutes, and I planned to do just that before we headed to College Town, USA. And no, I’m not calling you a simpleton. I love you, after all.
True to form, we got that task done efficiently today. You did fine, even if your clothes ended up a bit wrinkled. I understand you’re worried about ironing, but when I suggested smaller loads to allow for less wrinkling, you said that would take too long. Did you realize that comment felt like a jab at my entire existence? I do laundry for a living—ouch!
One more thing—once you grow up, you’ll realize there’s no such thing as “free time.” Any fool knows that. Okay, maybe I just called you a fool.
3. I will always be your parent.
Don’t ever think for a second that I’m done parenting you. Last night, you stayed out late at a friend’s house. When I texted to check in, your response felt a little too nonchalant. I know you’ll be flying solo soon, but I plan to parent you right until the last moment—up the dorm stairs, down the hallway, and right into your dorm room.
And spoiler alert: When you return for Christmas and Thanksgiving, I’ll pick up right where we left off. If that doesn’t sit well with you, consider planning a business trip for those holidays. You could stock up on shampoo while you’re at it. Just a thought. But let’s be real—I’m going to have my say here.
As we wrap up this chapter, remember that I’m always here for you. For insightful resources on pregnancy and home insemination, check out Science Daily. And for more tips on how to get the best tools for your new adventures, visit Make a Mom.
In summary, as you head off to college, just know that I’ll always be with you, cheering you on and offering my ever-helpful advice. Embrace this next adventure!